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The Hidden Impact of How We See Death

Fri, 01 May 2026 13:01:14 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: The Hidden Impact of How We See Death

For many people, death is a mystery. At the same time, it holds a strange fascination. For most, their first encounter with death is not through the loss of a loved one, but through a screen.

Death is everywhere. We are drawn to it through horror movies, video games, and television shows such as CSI. These portray trauma in vivid detail, yet without the true emotional weight that comes with experiencing loss firsthand.

In the 1800s, families photographed loved ones after death not to shock, but to remember. These images preserved love and connection.

When Tragedy Becomes Content

Today, however, society often takes a different approach. There is a growing tendency to capitalize on tragedy. The race to be first, to share, post, or broadcast, can overshadow compassion.

In some cases, disturbing images are shared without regard for dignity or the privacy of a grieving family. Once seen, those images cannot be unseen.

This raises an important question:

How would we feel if someone we loved was taken from us in a violent way and that moment was put on display for the world to see?

The Impact on Children and Adults

For those in professions like funeral service and emergency response, we are trained to face difficult realities. Even so, there are times when it is still too much.

The average person, especially children, should not be exposed to life’s most traumatic moments.

For children, these experiences can shape how they view the world. Instead of feeling safe, they may carry fear, anxiety, and confusion. Because we often avoid talking about vulnerability, they may try to process it alone. What begins as shock can resurface years later in unhealthy ways.

Adults are not immune either. When trauma is not processed, it does not simply fade. It can remain active, showing up as anxiety, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, or emotional reactivity.

This is often referred to as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

When Trauma Goes Unprocessed

Many people do not connect their current struggles to past experiences. Instead, unresolved emotions surface through strained relationships, addiction, or a diminished sense of self-worth.

In short, while the media amplifies our fascination with death, the consequences are very real and often lasting.

A Shift in Understanding

Thankfully, society has begun to recognize the importance of mental health.

Today, there are meaningful resources available:
Support groups
Individual counseling
Therapies such as EMDR

These tools help people process what once felt overwhelming.

Moving Forward

Trauma is not just about major events. It occurs when something is too overwhelming to process in the moment and continues to affect a person’s life.

If someone is struggling:
Offer a safe space
Listen without trying to fix
Remind them they are not alone

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be present.

If someone is in crisis, help is available through the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988.

We live in a world where death is often seen, but rarely understood.

Behind every loss is a story.
Behind every story is a family.
And behind every family is a need not for spectacle, but for dignity, compassion, and care.

Sincerely,
Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

What Funeral Homes Don’t Have to Tell You… But Should

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 14:26:18 GMT

What Funeral Homes Don’t Have to Tell You… But Should

Planning a funeral often occurs during one of the most emotional and vulnerable moments in life. To help protect families during this time, federal law provides important consumer rights through what is known as the Funeral Rule.

The rule was created in 1982 and, beginning in 1984, mandated that every funeral home in the United States comply with its requirements and provide this information to the families they serve.

The Funeral Rule is enforced by the Federal Trade Commission and exists to ensure transparency, choice, and fairness when arranging funeral services. Its purpose is simple: families deserve clear information and the freedom to make decisions that are right for them, without pressure or confusion.

The General Price List Explained

One of the most important requirements of the Funeral Rule is the General Price List, often called the GPL.

A General Price List is a written document that every funeral home must provide to families at the beginning of the arrangement conference. It lists the prices of goods and services offered by the funeral home, including basic service fees, burial and cremation options, merchandise ranges, and optional services.

Families are entitled to receive this list before discussing specific arrangements. They may also request it over the phone or in writing, and funeral homes must provide it without requiring personal information or commitments.

Your Rights When Planning a Funeral

The Funeral Rule also protects a family’s right to choose only the services they want. Families cannot be required to purchase a package or unnecessary item as a condition of receiving other services.

For example, families are not required to choose embalming unless it is legally required in specific circumstances, such as a public viewing for public health reasons. Embalming is also not required for direct cremation services.

Why Transparency Matters

Another key aspect of the rule is clarity. Prices must be listed plainly and honestly. If a fee is unavoidable, it must be clearly explained.

For example, “Basic Funeral Services of the Director and Staff” is a required line item and is either itemized or included in all funeral and cremation packages. This charge represents an appropriate allocation of overhead expenses, including professional licensing, building and utility costs, taxes, insurance, legal and accounting fees, grounds maintenance, equipment, furnishings, record keeping, and administrative expenses.

O’Connell’s also provides a full casket and vault price list to further ensure transparency.

If a service is optional, that must be clearly stated as well. This transparency allows families to make informed decisions based on their preferences and budget.

Final Thoughts

It is important to understand that the Funeral Rule does not remove compassion from the process. Instead, it creates a framework where care and clarity can coexist. Funeral professionals are there to guide, explain, and support families, but the final decisions always belong to the family.

Knowing your rights can bring peace of mind during a difficult time. The General Price List is not a sales tool; it is a consumer protection document designed to give families confidence, control, and understanding.

Funeral costs can vary significantly between providers, and families are always encouraged to compare General Price Lists and ask questions. At O’Connell’s, we welcome those comparisons and are committed to transparent, competitive pricing. When families are informed, they are empowered, and when transparency is present, trust has room to grow.

S incerely,
Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Death Is Not a Single Moment in Time | Honoring the Final Season of Life

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 05:29:47 GMT

Death Is Not a Single Moment in Time; It Is a Journey.

The challenge we face around death comes from the culture we all share.

We live in a society that treats death as a moment in time rather than a chapter of life. Reflection is often postponed until it is too late. Meaning and processing are delayed while arrangements are made, often hastily. Somehow, we learn that lives lived faithfully and quietly require little acknowledgment at their close.

This culture did not arise from cruelty or neglect. It arose from avoidance. It is easier to keep running than to sit in that field of pain.

We don’t talk openly about mortality, limits, or wishes while people are still living well. Conversations about death feel uncomfortable, so we postpone them. Instead, we focus on treatments, tests, and interventions. We let doctors, hospitals, and technology carry the weight of the conversation for us.

As a result, families often arrive at funeral homes overwhelmed and unprepared. They are asked to make important decisions while still in shock, denial, and reluctance. They are asked to summarize a lifetime under pressure. They are asked to create meaning on demand. This is not because families failed. It is because the culture trained them to wait, resist, or even numb themselves.

Some of the most meaningful conversations do not belong in the hours after death at the funeral home. They belong in the final season of life, perhaps the final stretch of the journey, when people can still speak their story, listen to those who love them, remember the moments that shaped their life, and choose to give their families the tools they will need to feel and heal. When stories can be shared, what matters most can be named, and wishes expressed without urgency, healing can begin.

The tragedy is not that families want less meaning. The tragedy is that our culture did not give them the tools to understand that we matter, and that our lives are truly worthy of being remembered aloud.

By reminding families that the final season of life matters. By helping them understand that doing something, even something simple, is profoundly different from doing nothing. By creating space for intention rather than urgency.

When reflection begins before crisis, families arrive differently. When meaning is reclaimed in time, regret often lessens afterward. And when a life is honored with intention, the farewell becomes more honest and less rushed.

How can we walk with families? By reminding them that the final season of life holds meaning. By helping them see that even the smallest gatherings and thoughtful actions are profoundly different from doing nothing at all. Simple can be beautiful. By making room for intention and thoughtful decisions rather than urgency.

Ask The Funeral Director: “What About Medicare After Someone Dies?”

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 23:30:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: “What About Medicare After Someone Dies?”

What About Medicare After Death? What Families Need to Know

What Happens to Medicare When Someone Dies?
When a loved one passes away, dealing with Medicare and Social Security can feel overwhelming. But understanding how Medicare coverage changes after death can help prevent financial surprises and reduce stress.

Step One: Reporting the Death
The funeral home will notify the Social Security Administration (SSA), either electronically or using Form SSA-721. This is typically all that’s needed—Medicare is automatically notified through SSA records. Families can still follow up with SSA directly to confirm.

When Medicare Coverage Ends
Coverage under Original Medicare (Parts A & B) ends on the date of death. Medicare Advantage and Part D plans are officially canceled the first day of the following month, but coverage ends at death. This means families should not expect bills for care after the date of passing.

Do You Need to Cancel Medigap Policies?
Yes. Medigap (Supplement) insurance does not cancel automatically. The executor or family should contact the insurance carrier directly. Most will ask for a death certificate to complete the cancellation.

Premium Refunds May Be Available
If Medicare premiums were paid past the date of death—either directly or through Social Security deductions—the estate might be owed a refund. These are not always automatic. The executor may need to complete SSA Form SSA-1724 to claim any overpayments.

Social Security and Survivor Benefits
Social Security benefits end the month of death. If a check was deposited for that month, it must be returned. However, eligible family members may qualify for survivor benefits or the $255 lump-sum death benefit. It's best to call SSA or visit the local office to confirm.

Local Office Info
SSA Office – 4120 Oakwood Hills Pkwy, Eau Claire, WI
Phone: 1-866-815-2924 | Hours: Mon–Fri, 9 AM–4 PM

These steps can feel daunting, but you don’t have to figure it out alone.

At O’Connell Family Funeral Homes, we’re here to walk beside you and help answer your questions during every step of the process.

Sincerely,
Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: “A Burning Question: How Does Cremation Work?”

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 13:23:16 GMT

A Burning Question: How Does Cremation Work?

What Is Cremation?

Cremation is the process of reducing the body to cremated remains through intense heat and flame. Our crematory chamber, called a retort , is brick-lined and heavily insulated to withstand high temperatures.

Your loved one is placed into the chamber in what is called an alternative container , a dignified, combustible container (often reinforced cardboard) that allows for safe handling and protects the staff and environment.

How Hot Does a Cremation Chamber Get?

The cremation chamber typically operates at temperatures between 1,600° and 1,800°F . A single cremation generally takes two to three hours, though this varies.

Bodies with higher natural body fat burn more quickly and hotter.
Smaller body types generally require less time.
Bodies over 300 pounds require special procedures and are always cremated first in a cold chamber to prevent uncontrolled combustion.

Yes, improper handling in some facilities has caused accidental structure fires . We prevent this with training, care, and protocol.

What Remains After Cremation?

When the cremation is complete, what remains are naturally brittle bone fragments , not soot or ash like in a fireplace. These fragments are:

Cooled
Processed into a fine consistency
Sifted to remove non-organic materials such as surgical screws or artificial joints

We ensure these metals are properly recycled. At O’Connell’s, we donate the proceeds back into local nonprofit organizations —something unethical funeral homes or crematories often choose not to do.

Cremated remains are typically white or light gray in color. If remains appear dark or black, it usually means the cremation was not completed properly . Quality and experience matter.

Is More Than One Person Ever Cremated at Once?

It may seem like a question no one would need to ask—but famfilies ask it often:
Is more than one person ever cremated at the same time?

By law, only one person may be placed in a retort at a time . At O’Connell’s, we do this not simply because the law requires it, but because it is the right and ethical thing to do.

What Safeguards Are in Place?

From the moment your loved one comes into our care, we follow a rigorous identification process :

An identification bracelet is placed on your loved one immediately.
The alternative cremation container is clearly labeled.
A titanium identification disc, which does not cremate, is assigned and accompanies your loved one before, during, and after the cremation.

All steps are documented in a permanent log .

Our Commitment to Security and Respect

We own and operate our own crematory, and our cremations are carried out by licensed crematory operators, not a third party. This provides security, accountability, and peace of mind.

For families who desire a greater sense of connection and finality, we offer Witnessed Cremation, allowing loved ones to be present as the cremation begins. For many families, this provides the final step of understanding, honoring, and letting go.

Sincerely,
Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Small Towns, Big Family Hearts: A Conversation with the O'Connells

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 11:50:58 GMT

Small Towns, Big Family Hearts: A Conversation with the O'Connells

When you walk into O'Connell Family Funeral Home, you're not just entering a business—you're stepping into nearly a century of family legacy, community connection, and genuine compassion.

In a recent conversation on the Good Grief podcast, Mike O'Connell and his daughter Emma opened up about what it truly means to serve families through life's most difficult moments, and how their family's calling has shaped who they are today.

A Legacy That Started in 1926

The O'Connell story begins in an era when the Model A hadn't even been introduced yet. Founded in 1926 by Mike's great-uncle Frank O'Connell—one of the very first graduates of the University of Minnesota Mortuary Science Program—the business originally operated as "O'Connell Furniture and Undertaking."

[00:01:46] The Evolution of Funeral Care

Mike explains how dramatically the industry has changed: "In the 19th century, death care was largely domestic. Families and neighbors cared for their own and they prepared the body and they held viewings in the home parlor. That's why when you hear people say, 'would you like to go in the living room?' That's because that's not where you put the dead bodies. That was for the living."

Back then, carpenters and furniture makers—those with wagons and woodworking skills—naturally evolved into providing full funeral services. These tradesmen became our first undertakers, often running family businesses passed down from father to son, living upstairs while conducting funerals downstairs.

Mike shares a fascinating detail about his father's early work: "He would take out the bay window in a house so they could get a casket in if it was too big for doors. He also embalmed people at their homes. That to me is just bizarre. Growing up, I never saw a hammer or screwdriver in his hands, so for me to see him doing that just blows my mind."

Standing at a Crossroads

[00:04:15] The Industry Today

The funeral profession faces significant challenges. During COVID, the industry lost around 25% of its workforce. Today, large corporations are attempting to consolidate what has traditionally been a community-centered profession.

"In some estimates, 35% of funeral owners will close, sell, or get consolidated by large corporations in the next five or seven years," Mike explains. "These conglomerates come in and try to push smaller funeral homes out of town, much like we've experienced in Pierce County."

The difference between corporate and family-owned funeral homes is profound. As Mike puts it: "SCI, which is probably one of the largest chain of corporate funeral homes in the country, is publicly traded on Wall Street. What do you think that means for families? They're gonna get taken advantage of at times. Our boss is the community. We have to see them at church, at the game, at the grocery store, and so we have to make sure that our services equal that."

Emma's Unexpected Journey

[00:06:44] Finding Her Path

Emma O'Connell never planned to work at the funeral home. After high school, she pursued psychology at UW-Stout, then tried interior design. Something wasn't clicking.

"I always just joked that I was never gonna work at the funeral home because I didn't see myself as having all the requirements to be a funeral director," Emma shares. "But little did I know that there are so many working parts of a funeral home, and you don't have to be the person that does the embalming and the late night calls. You can also find something that fits well with you."

[00:09:15] Her Role Today

Emma found her calling as a pre-planning specialist, becoming a licensed insurance agent with the state of Wisconsin. "I get to work with people and families, offering them comfort during the process. It wasn't the easiest road, but it's a very rewarding one."

Mike recalls a pivotal moment: "I remember standing in the office and she was talking to a family—it was a difficult conversation. I looked and thought, 'Where did she get that ability?' My first thought was: Grandpa Tom would love that."

His voice catches with emotion as he continues: "I was very proud and I knew she had a gift that was beyond what I even had, or grandpa had. Truly amazing."

Growing Up in the Funeral Home

[00:12:00] Early Memories

For Emma, the funeral home was simply part of normal life. Her earliest memories include running up and down the wheelchair ramp at the old Baldwin location and—less successfully—practicing her electric scooter skills in the empty chapel.

"If you look really close, there might be an Emma-sized dent in the wall somewhere," she laughs.

Mike adds with a grin: "She wiggled until she fell off the couch and landed on her noggin when she was just a newborn. Carla thought she probably had traumatic brain injury. From that point on, she never rode that scooter again."

[00:16:18] Navigating Childhood

Growing up as a funeral director's daughter came with unique experiences. Emma's close friends understood and respected what her family did, but school brought curious—and sometimes hurtful—questions.

"Kids asked me if the crematory doubles as a baking oven," Emma recalls. "I got all the questions in the world from kids at school, but as far as friends go, nobody ever really made me feel weird about it."

Mike remembers harder moments: "Some boys said 'your dad deals with dead people,' and as a little girl that didn't really know the whole picture—the meaning and the difference we make—that was hard on you. In turn, that was hard on me because I couldn't protect you."

Lessons in Compassion

[00:27:36] The Pearl Harbor Experience

One of Emma's most profound memories came at age 16, when the funeral home retrieved the remains of a Pearl Harbor veteran whose body had been recovered from one of the ships.

"We got to drive the hearse out onto the tarmac. The plane landed and they had a whole ceremony. I got to photograph this," Emma shares. "It was one of the coolest experiences that I know a lot of other people will not be able to experience. To see that man return to his family after how many years—beautiful to see."

Mike knew this would be formative: "I thought, no one will get to see this. This is a huge learning experience to understand that these people gave their lives and how serious it is when the military takes them some 70 years later, like it happened yesterday. I knew that would be forever engraved in her head."

[00:29:28] Shaped by Loss

The O'Connell family's understanding of grief isn't just professional—it's deeply personal. Emma was only two years old when her godfather, Uncle Dan, was killed.

"People forget that we're people too, and we don't just help deal with your passings. We do have our own," Emma reflects. "To have that intertwined with seeing other people's grief while seeing our own, and recently having a passing of my own, I think that has brought me even closer to people."

Mike shares how even as a five-year-old, Emma showed remarkable emotional intelligence: "I'd say, 'Come on Em, let's go downstairs. We're gonna watch Uncle Dan's video.' And you'd say, 'You want to cry?' I'm like, 'I do.' And we watched the video on the couch with the dogs."

Emma adds: "I would give you the phone and say that you had a special call from Heaven. I didn't really understand that Heaven was a completely different place, but I knew it was a good place and I had family there."

[00:32:55] Understanding Empathy

Dan's death transformed Mike's approach to his work: "I always said I thought I was good at what I did before Dan was killed. But when Dan was killed, that's when I really got going on personalized funerals. I did his funeral—we had over 2,000 people, probably 5,000 at the visitation. I did everything I could to honor him, from 100 fire, EMS, and police cars and one helicopter that did a flyover because he was a flight medic."

"After that, I thought: why aren't people doing this? You don't have to be military, police, or a fireman. Everybody's got their story. That just drove me to want to get that story told. I thought I was good at what I did, but I understood what empathy was then. I could say, 'Yeah, I know what that's like. I remember the pain of it.'"

Even 23 years later, the grief remains: "It's been 23 years and sitting here talking about it... Society remembers Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays. But for us that grieve, it's every day. It doesn't matter if it's the 25th of December—the 26th still sucks too, and so does the 27th."

Working Together as Family

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[00:21:23] The Reality of Family Business

Emma describes working with her parents as "honestly great," but Mike keeps it real: "There's times where you want to scratch my eyeballs out. There's times where you're really frustrated with me and you're mad. It's not always peaches and cream."

He reflects on the unique dynamics: "When you have closeness like that, you're gonna be more vulnerable. But also probably more on the spectrum of when you're gonna be mad. With a coworker you might be more hesitant on really opening up—you can go separate ways. In your instance, you can't."

"I remember when Dan and I and Dad worked together—you could be super upset with them, like teed off. And then: 'Are you coming over for dinner later?' 'Yeah.' And then you'd have to just kinda let it go. That's actually a good thing, but it's also probably not the healthiest because you don't talk about it."

[00:24:14] Learning from Each Generation

Emma has carefully observed both her parents: "I wouldn't know and be who I am without their guidance. I've definitely taken some things away with how they work with people, how they put their all into the business. I also would say that I might have learned from some mistakes as well, so it's a good 50/50 of taking some of their traits and molding them to who I am, and also learning from past mistakes."

One lesson came from watching her grandfather Tom, even in his final years: "When grandpa went into the nursing home here in Hudson, he still was calling up dad, bugging him to bring him to people's funeral services—not even to work, but to be there to show them that he still cared and that he might not be the front face anymore, but he will be there and he will see it through. That really taught me something: to be present."

What It All Means

[00:39:09] Honoring Lives

When asked what her family does, Emma's answer is simple but profound: "The simple answer is we work on people who've passed away and we give a celebration for their family. But deeper for us, what it really is: honoring somebody's life. There's a huge hold on the word 'honor' for me. We're here to celebrate them in the way that they and their family would want them celebrated, whether that's having a helicopter fly over or having ball markers for golf in a little bowl that's personalized to take on your next golf trip. Big or small, that's what we do."

Mike adds: "People tell me, 'Call me anytime.' And they're like, 'I'm not gonna.' I said, 'This isn't a job, it's a calling. It's a way of life.' Emma grew up with that—helped set flowers up, set visitations up with memorabilia—and it just became second nature to her."

[00:35:45] Genuine Compassion

Emma has learned that true compassion goes deeper than professional courtesy: "It's kind of easy to give compassion to the person who gives me a call and says they wanna sit down and talk about their funeral service. But to really, truly learn genuine compassion and wishing you could take the pain away from the people that you love the most has made me think to myself that somebody that I'm having at an appointment has the same family members that care about them. So I put myself in those family shoes and say, 'I wish I could take the pain away from this person that I love.' I carry that into appointments with me so that I can have that same genuine compassion. It's easy to put on that mask, but to genuinely care about somebody—that's different."

Looking to the Future

[00:41:40] Passing It Forward

When asked what values she would pass to her own children someday, Emma doesn't hesitate: "I hope that I get to have a family of my own someday. I would love to pass on to them compassion for others. We never know what people are going through. You never know if somebody just lost somebody. Compassion for others. And if they feel called that they wanna learn more about it, I would be absolutely happy to teach them all about what I do for work. And if they wanna make it the fifth generation, then that would be awesome."

Why This Matters

In an era when large corporations are consolidating funeral homes across the country, the O'Connell story reminds us what we stand to lose. This isn't just about business—it's about community connection, genuine compassion, and the kind of care that can only come from people who will see you at church, at the grocery store, at the game.

It's about a little girl who once sang Hannah Montana songs over the PA system growing into a woman with an extraordinary gift for comforting families in their darkest moments.

It's about a father who transformed his own devastating loss into a mission to honor every person's unique story.

It's about nearly a century of one family showing up—at church dinners, community events, and in moments of profound grief—because that's what neighbors do.

As Mike says, "Our boss is the community." And in small towns with big family hearts, that makes all the difference.

About O'Connell Family Funeral Home

Serving the community since 1926, O'Connell Family Funeral Home offers compassionate funeral services, pre-planning guidance, and personalized celebrations of life.

To learn more about pre-planning or to speak with Emma about creating a plan that honors your wishes and provides peace of mind for your family, visit our website .

Planning ahead is one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones.

Ask The Funeral Director: “Who’s Up for Some Good Comfort Food?”

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 02:45:47 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: “Who’s Up for Some Good Comfort Food?”

Who’s Up for Some Good Comfort Food?

Comfort food speaks to our emotional well-being—it takes us down memory lane and brings a sense of security. These meals connect us to our childhoods, family traditions like Thanksgiving, and that feeling of warmth that fills not only our bellies but our souls.

It’s More Than Nutrition

When we crave connection or comfort, it’s rarely a salad we turn to. Instead, it’s something hearty, warm, and familiar—like chicken noodle soup. That’s because comfort food goes deeper than taste; it nurtures the heart.

It Soothes the Soul

During difficult or uncertain times, comfort food provides emotional relief. It helps us feel grounded, connected, and calm—offering gentle support through grief or stress.

It Reconnects Us With the Past

Food carries memory. A single bite of grandma’s cookies can instantly transport us to a time of love and safety. These flavors remind us of the people and moments that shaped us.

It Brings Stability During Grief

After a loss, a warm meal can become a quiet ritual. It doesn’t need to be extravagant—just something that says, you’re not alone. That simple act of nourishment can steady the heart.

It Helps Define Identity

Comfort food connects us to our roots—family recipes, cultural traditions, and the stories that remind us who we are and where we belong.

It Builds Community

Maybe the most important part: food brings people together. Whether it’s a neighbor showing up with cookies or a church potluck after a funeral, these small gestures of love create connection.

Even Jesus broke bread with those He loved. When words fail, an upside-down pineapple cake can somehow say it best: “I care about you.”

So go ahead—spread a little comfort.

Bake something, share a meal, or drop off a dish for someone who could use some love.

You might just give them the nourishment their heart needed most.

Ask The Funeral Director: What I Wish You Knew About My Pain

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 23:30:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?

What I Wish You Knew About My Pain

Please don’t treat me differently than before.

I’m not contagious.

I don’t need you to say or do anything magical—it won’t bring them back.

You can’t fix my pain.

Please know you’re not going to remind me of something I haven’t already thought of. My world is shattered. And honestly, it’s okay to talk about them. It brings me comfort to hear their name, even if it hurts at the same time.

Please don’t tell me to be strong. Don’t put that pressure on me. I don’t need to be strong. I am broken. I just need to be real.

But please don’t make it worse by ignoring me. This pain makes it hard to breathe.

Sometimes I wonder how I’ll go on without them. And when I feel that way, don’t try to list all the things I should be grateful for. Give me grace. I’m scared. Just hear what my world feels like. Embrace my pain.

Another thing, I don’t want to hear that you understand. You don’t know the extent of my pain. And even if you can relate, this moment isn’t about you. I don’t want to hear about your pain right now.

My pain is real. I’m not ready to compare grief.

Also—yes, I may be mad at God. So I don’t want to hear that I need to pray more, or that “God loves the brokenhearted.” I might believe that deep down, but I don’t feel it right now. Please don’t say, “God has a plan” or “We just don’t know His path.” That only makes me feel ashamed for hurting.

Give me space, but not too much. I may push you away, but that’s not what I truly want. I just don’t know what I want, except to have them back.

So don’t ask me what I need. I want to scream. I want the pain to stop. And please don’t say, “Call if you need anything.” Because I probably won’t. I don’t know what I need, and I don’t know how to ask.

There is no such thing as closure. I won’t "get over" this. Life as I knew it is gone.

If you care about me, ask me about my pain. Hold space for it.

Let me show my grief without judgment. And whatever you do, don’t say, “They wouldn’t want you to be sad” or “They’d want you to move on.” That crushes me and fills me with shame.

Today, I’m broken. I don’t know how I’ll survive this.

But—if you do what I’ve asked… If you love me just as I am, I will heal.

Part of me died with them. I am forever changed, and I don’t know how to move forward right now. But I will heal—if I’m allowed to feel all of this.

Just love me as I am. That’s all I need today.

Sincerely,
Mike O’Connell

O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: “Please Don’t Say This to Your Family!”

Sun, 31 Aug 2025 23:30:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: “Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?”

Please Don’t Say This to Your Family

“Just cremate me and throw me in the spreader.”
“I don’t want a funeral—just cremate me. It’ll be easier for them.”

Over the course of my career, I’ve heard it all—and sadly, I’ve seen the consequences all too often. I understand where this comes from. When we don’t feel worthy, struggle to accept love, or feel uncomfortable in the spotlight, it’s hard to imagine people gathering to mourn our loss. Most of us don’t like attention. It can feel awkward or even undeserved. We wonder, Do I really matter that much? Because we feel unworthy, we push others away.

But here’s the truth: you do matter, and your story matters—in life and especially in death!

I’ve seen families deeply torn when a loved one instructs them to “just cremate me” and not hold a funeral. Grieving spouses and adult children are often left in anguish, wanting desperately to celebrate your life but afraid they’d be betraying you if they did.

I’ve watched people brought to their knees—locked in pain and fear—because they’re unsure how to move forward without violating your wishes. Your family loves you. And they need space to grieve in their own way.

They need to process your death in order to heal and function in their lives—especially in their roles as parents, partners, and professionals. When there’s no opportunity to say goodbye in a way that honors their connection to you, it leaves a painful hole. Unresolved grief often resurfaces as unhealthy coping—addiction, broken relationships, depression.

Surely, that’s not what you want for the people you love.

Instead, embrace this: they love you just as you are. None of us are perfect—we all make mistakes—but love remains. They may grieve the life shared or even the relationship that never fully was. Either way, they need to grieve, and they need permission to do it in a way that brings peace.

When you love someone, you do whatever you can to help them thrive. That includes supporting their need to gather, to remember, and to say goodbye. Give them your blessing now.

Let them know it’s okay to honor your life however they need—because their healing matters to you!

Sincerely,

Mike O'Connell

Ask The Funeral Director: “Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?”

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 17:16:33 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: “Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?”

Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?

This topic is very close to my heart, because I struggle with it daily. Trauma is the emotional response to an experience that caused great distress — one that overloaded our ability to cope. This can lead to deep mental, physical, emotional, and even family strain. We often associate trauma with extreme situations like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But the reality is, trauma can take many forms and levels.

Sadly, we often dismiss our past experiences with phrases like “It is what it is” or “You just have to play the cards you’re dealt.” But here’s the problem with that kind of thinking: it doesn’t give the individual space to feel what they feel . Instead, people may internalize the idea that their emotions don’t matter, and bury them deep inside; only perpetuating shame. But these emotions are like a volcano — brewing, bubbling, and waiting for an opening to erupt . In the meantime, feelings of inadequacy grow. The pain gets stronger. Eventually, it becomes loud — overwhelming — and starts to overtake us.

To offset this pain, we often seek ways to numb it. It might be binge-watching TV, a couple stiff drinks, gambling, food, doomscrolling, drugs, or pornography. These are all attempts to escape the discomfort we feel. And while they may work for a moment, they eventually lose their effect. So the person doubles down. Takes it further. And now, addiction takes root — all in an effort to numb the pain of buried trauma we simply don’t want to confront.

These traumas don’t have to be extreme. You don’t have to be a soldier or someone who’s faced life-or-death situations. Yes, those are horrific experiences — but trauma is defined by how it affects the person who experienced it.

So why does one event devastate someone while another person walks away seemingly fine?

A lot of it has to do with their background:

Were they allowed to openly express emotions growing up?
Did they have a history of other traumatic experiences — like abuse?
Is there a genetic link to addiction in their family?

The purpose of this article is simple: to encourage you to consider your past . Are there painful or negative moments that have deeply affected you that you’ve packed away, but struggle with today? Give yourself grace to recognize those moments. Don’t pretend they disappeared. As the book title “The Body Keeps the Score” says, those moments never go away and will have negative consequences if not processed.

Life is like a chemistry equation. We may be able to handle events A, B, C, and D on their own. But when life throws them all at us at once — we now have E — and that can become overwhelming and even crushing.

So be kind to yourself as you reflect on those moments. We are all broken to a degree. The cracks in your story aren’t flaws — they’re where the light gets in.

Warmly,
Mike O’Connell

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want a Military Funeral!”

Fri, 23 May 2025 00:07:17 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want a Military Funeral!”

We hear this request several times a year from families looking to honor their fallen hero. It’s a powerful sentiment—and one we deeply respect. But it’s also important to clarify what a military funeral truly entails, and what benefits our veterans are actually entitled to. Let’s take a brief, respectful walk through history.

A History of Veteran Burial Benefits

In 1917, during the height of World War I, the U.S. government enacted the War Risk Insurance Act Amendment, which provided a $100 burial allowance for veterans who died from war-related injuries. Adjusted for today’s economy, that’s about $2,500—a significant sum at a time when funerals cost about $200.

By 1930, the Veterans Administration (now the Department of Veterans Affairs) was formally established. In 1957, the Veterans' Benefits Act expanded compensation, pensions, and burial benefits. A year later, the burial allowance increased to $250.

In 2001, the Veterans Education and Benefits Expansion Act raised the burial benefit for service-connected deaths from $1,500 to $2,000, and the cemetery plot allowance from $150 to $300.

In 2023, the VA expanded burial reimbursements again. As of October 1, 2024, the VA will pay up to $978 toward burial and funeral expenses, and another $978 for plot or interment allowances—for non-service-connected deaths and only if the veteran meets eligibility requirements.

Eligibility Requirements

These benefits are reserved for veterans who meet at least one of the following:

Receiving VA pension or compensation
Eligible for VA benefits but received military retirement or disability pay
Died while hospitalized by the VA or under VA-contracted care
Died while traveling for VA medical purposes
Had a VA claim pending at the time of death and would have been entitled to benefits

Standard Honors for All Veterans

Military honors: rifle volley (when available), Taps, and flag presentation
Bronze plaque or medallion for their grave
Burial in a state or federal VA cemetery

Helpful Clarifications

A 21-gun salute is for the President. A veteran receives three volleys—if four members fire three times, you’ll hear 12 shots. The U.S. burial flag is large (5’ x 9½’), cotton, and not suitable for outdoor flying due to color bleeding when wet.

How We Help

Yes, there’s paperwork—and yes, it must be done correctly. At O’Connell Funeral Homes, we handle all the forms, work with service officers, and ensure all earned honors are provided. We’re proud to work with amazing partners in Pierce County, including Service Officer Melissa Hildebrandt and Benefits Specialist Tami MacGregor.

We honor your service—and we’re honored to serve you.

Sincerely,

Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

It’s All in the Jeans—Wait, I Mean Genes!

Tue, 06 May 2025 15:55:16 GMT

It’s All in the Jeans—Wait, I Mean Genes!

We all want to celebrate the lives of those close to us. Sometimes it’s through a favorite song, a meaningful scripture, or a custom casket decked out like a NASCAR pit stop. Maybe it’s an urn with glitter, or a eulogy that gets everyone laughing and crying—sometimes at the same time. We want to remember them. We need to remember them.

But have you ever considered that you can literally remember them through their... genes ? And no, I don’t mean Levi’s or Wranglers. I’m talking DNA. Genes with a “G.”

DNA preservation isn’t some sci-fi fantasy—it’s already here, and it’s giving families an incredible new way to honor and remember their loved ones, down to their double helix. And before you imagine some mad scientist scene, don’t worry. It’s just a gentle cheek swab, done at the funeral home. No scalpels, no lab coats, and definitely no lightning bolts.

Why do it?

Because inside that swab lies the blueprint of a person: their unique characteristics, health traits, and ancestral history. Today’s cutting-edge genetic technology can help identify diseases, mutations, or even markers linked to aging. We’re talking real-life, superhero-level science here. Imagine creating a family DNA library—not just for nostalgia, but to help future generations predict health risks or create personalized medicine. One simple act of remembrance could save lives. Talk about leaving a legacy!

The company we partner with even works with a sister service that can trace ancestry, adding an extra layer of meaning to your family story. Grandma might have been 100% sass and apple pie—but maybe she was also 18% Scandinavian.

Want to keep it close?

You can.

DNA can be encased in a sleek sterling silver pendant or housed in a keepsake box with soft, glowing lights. Whether worn or displayed, it’s a one-of-a-kind tribute to a one-of-a-kind life.

Now you might be thinking, “This all sounds like it should come with a hefty price tag.” But no—this high-tech, heart-touching service starts around $300, with expanded options depending on what you’d like.

Because sometimes the most meaningful memories aren’t just in our hearts—but in our genes.

Sincerely,
Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want My Gold Teeth Taken Out!”

Thu, 17 Apr 2025 18:34:44 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want My Gold Teeth Taken Out!”

“I want my gold teeth taken out!”

Believe it or not, this is something I hear at least a dozen times a year—whether from those making pre-arrangements or families planning a cremation. Some say it jokingly, others very seriously. One common reason? “They cost me a lot of money!”

Gold used in dental work is measured in karats, like jewelry. Higher karat means purer gold—but also softer and less durable. That’s why most dental gold is mixed with other metals to form an alloy. So, while gold crowns and fillings may have cost thousands, their actual scrap value is often far less than expected. And many gold teeth are actually gold-plated, which holds virtually no value for scrap.

Now for the important part: Funeral directors are not dentists. We’re not trained, licensed, or equipped to remove teeth or implants. If you hear of someone using tools like channel locks to pull a tooth—please know that’s not just cringeworthy, it’s potentially illegal.

If a family insists on retrieving gold teeth before cremation, a licensed dental professional—such as an oral surgeon—must be brought in to perform the removal. It’s not that we’re being difficult; we’re simply upholding the ethical standards of our profession.

Another question I often get is what happens to things like metal rods, bolts, pins, or artificial joints after cremation. These are not removed beforehand (doing so would be invasive and unnecessary). After the cremation process, any remaining metal parts are separated and properly recycled.

At O’Connell’s, we do not keep proceeds from this recycling. We believe it is unethical to profit from any part of the human body. Instead, we request that all proceeds from the recycling company go directly to local nonprofit organizations that serve and support our communities.

These include:

American Legion Posts in River Falls, Ellsworth, Prescott, and Baldwin
Local senior centers
Local community foundations
The Lions Club of Ellsworth
River Falls Sunshine Fund
St. Bridget’s Catholic Church Hardship Fund

We’re proud to support these organizations, many of which directly impact the lives of families we serve.

If a funeral home can’t clearly explain where recycling proceeds go—it’s worth asking questions. That should be a red flag.

Sincerely,

Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: To Be Present or Not—A Personal Choice

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 15:37:53 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: To Be Present or Not—A Personal Choice

When a funeral home arrives to take a loved one into their care—whether from home, hospice, or a nursing facility—it can be an emotional and overwhelming moment.

For many, this is when reality sets in, marking the finality of their loved one’s passing. The thought that this may be the last time they see them can bring a wave of emotions.

When we transfer a loved one into our care, we do so with deep sensitivity to the surroundings, the family present, and the dignity of the deceased.

Healthcare professionals often advise families that they may not want to be present during this transition, understanding how difficult it can be. However, choosing to be part of this moment, if one feels comfortable, can provide profound meaning and healing.

While we do not need assistance in the transfer process, we gently encourage families to participate if they wish. We take the time to explain the process and address any concerns, ensuring that no one feels pressured or uncomfortable.

For those who decide to help, it can be a deeply personal way to honor their loved one.

The Healing Power of Helping

Participating in a loved one’s transfer can be a meaningful step in the grieving process. It can:

Acknowledge the reality of the loss
Serve as a final act of love
Provide a sense of purpose
Strengthen family bonds
Begin the path to healing

This moment is deeply personal, and there is no right or wrong choice. Whether a family chooses to be present or not, we are here to guide them with care, compassion, and respect.

Sincerely,

Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director:How Social Security Works After Death

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 15:35:21 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: How Social Security Works After Death

Losing a loved one is hard enough without the added stress of figuring out what happens to their Social Security benefits. Many families don’t realize there are specific steps to take, and that survivor benefits may be available to support those left behind.

What you Need to Know

Social Security benefits play a crucial role in providing financial stability for individuals and families. When a person who has been receiving Social Security passes away, their benefits do not automatically continue, but certain provisions allow for survivor benefits to assist family members. Understanding how Social Security works after death can help families navigate this difficult time.

What Happens to Social Security Benefits When Someone Dies?

The Social Security Administration (SSA) must be notified when a recipient dies. The funeral home handling the arrangements will report the death if provided with the deceased’s Social Security number.

Family members can also contact the SSA directly BUT, it is recommended to wait at least three weeks for SSA to process being notified. Fear not, SSA will auto debit it back out automatically.

One key point to remember is that Social Security benefits are not payable for the month of a person’s death. If the deceased received a payment for that month, it must be returned. For example, if a person passes away in June and receives a benefit payment in July for June, that payment must be returned.

Who is Eligible for Survivor Benefits?

Certain family members may qualify for Social Security survivor benefits, including:

A surviving spouse who is at least 60 years old (50 if disabled)
A surviving spouse of any age who is caring for the deceased’s child under age 16 or disabled
Unmarried children under age 18 (or up to 19 if attending elementary or secondary school full-time)
Children who are disabled before age 22 and remain dependent
Dependent parents aged 62 or older

How Much Are Survivor Benefits?

The amount of survivor benefits depends on several factors, including the deceased’s earnings record and the survivor’s relationship to the deceased. In general:

A surviving spouse may receive 100% of the deceased’s benefit if they have reached full retirement age.
A surviving spouse aged 60 to full retirement age receives between 71.5% and 99% of the benefit.
A surviving spouse caring for a child under 16 receives 75% of the benefit.
Eligible children typically receive 75% of the deceased’s benefit.

The total amount paid to a family is subject to a maximum limit, generally ranging from 150% to 180% of the deceased’s full retirement benefit.

One-Time Death Benefit

A one-time payment of $255 may be available to a surviving spouse or minor child if they meet eligibility requirements. This benefit is small but can assist with immediate expenses. The lump-sum death benefit of $255 has remained unchanged since 1954. Despite inflation and rising costs, the amount has not been increased in over 70 years.

Final Thoughts

Losing a loved one is never easy, and understanding Social Security benefits can be overwhelming during this time. The SSA provides important financial support for surviving family members, and it is essential to notify the agency promptly to determine eligibility. For personalized assistance, contacting the SSA or visiting their website (www.ssa.gov) can provide further guidance.

Blog written by Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: Do We Need Pants If the Casket Only Shows the Upper Torso?

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 15:26:47 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: Do We Need Pants If the Casket Only Shows the Upper Torso?

The answer is a resounding YES!

At O’Connell’s, we uphold the highest level of integrity when it comes to caring for the deceased. I have said this countless times: “We would like a full set of clothing, including a full set of undergarments, as if they were walking into their own funeral.”

Surprisingly, we still receive follow-up questions like, “Okay, but you don’t need pants, do you?” The answer remains the same— yes, a full set means a full set.

We treat every individual in our care with dignity, ensuring they are fully dressed. Years ago, some funeral homes even sold clothing as part of their services, but this was mostly based on location. As far back as I can remember, O’Connell’s has never sold clothing.

However, we do provide new sets of undergarments, t-shirts, and socks for families who may not have these items for their loved ones.

When someone moves into a nursing home, they often downsize their wardrobe, and in many cases, they spend their final days in a hospital gown. Because of this, we make sure that everyone entrusted to us is dressed completely and respectfully.

What If Families Don’t Have the Right Clothing?

If a family does not have what they feel is appropriate clothing for their loved one, and they lack the funds to purchase new attire, we step in to help. In some cases, we have even provided clothing or suits of our own to ensure that their loved one is dressed with dignity.

Private Viewings Before Cremation

For families who opt for a private viewing before cremation , their loved one can also be dressed. A private viewing does not require embalming or the purchase of a casket, but it does allow family members a chance to say goodbye. Even in these cases, a full set of clothing is preferred.

The Myth of Cutting Clothes

I want to address a common myth: “Do funeral homes cut clothing?” At O’Connell’s, we do not.

Cutting clothes is lazy and, frankly, unethical. Anyone who has worked with us knows that this is simply not an accepted practice.

A viewing can be an incredibly healing and meaningful experience for families. We take great pride in ensuring that each individual is

treated with the utmost respect by dressing them fully and maintaining their dignity throughout the process.

Blog written by Mike O’Connell
O’Connell Family Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director:Vaults, Liability, and Lawn Mowers—What You Need to Know

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 05:00:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: Vaults, Liability, and Lawn Mowers—What You Need to Know

Ask The Funeral Director: Why “Well, At Least You Have Closure” Hurts

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 05:00:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: Why “Well, At Least You Have Closure” Hurts

Ask The Funeral Director: Why Saying Goodbye Matters

Wed, 22 Jan 2025 05:00:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: Why Saying Goodbye Matters

Ask The Funeral Director: The Changing Landscape of Funeral Homes

Fri, 10 Jan 2025 05:00:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: The Changing Landscape of Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: There’s no such thing as closure

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director: There’s no such thing as closure

Ask the Funeral Director – The History of Embalming

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Ask the Funeral Director – The History of Embalming

Ask the Funeral Director – Who Decides if an Autopsy is Performed and Why?

Wed, 27 Nov 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Ask the Funeral Director – Who Decides if an Autopsy is Performed and Why?

Why Are Bodies So Hard, Cold, and Darker Looking in a Casket?

Wed, 13 Nov 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Why Are Bodies So Hard, Cold, and Darker Looking in a Casket?

Ask The Funeral Director- What Are Bodies Capable of After They Die

Wed, 30 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Ask The Funeral Director- What Are Bodies Capable of After They Die

To Give or Not to Give: The Importance of Blood Donation

Fri, 18 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

To Give or Not to Give: The Importance of Blood Donation

The Truth About Ordering Flowers for Funerals: Why Local Florists Matter

Fri, 04 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

The Truth About Ordering Flowers for Funerals: Why Local Florists Matter

WAIT, hold the phone and don’t press ‘complete order’!

With the vast World Wide Web and E-commerce websites, ordering flowers for gatherings has never been easier—nor scarier! Wait, what do I mean? Sadly, the moral compass of some in the world is not the same as those who are planning to share their grief with others and brighten their day with some beautiful flowers. But wait, you say, “We live in Pierce County, not a big city like Minneapolis. We live in the Heartland of America; we Midwesterners are good.” Yep, I couldn’t agree more, and that’s why we need to discuss this further!

When you Google “florist near me” or “florist in your city of destination,” the wonderful World Wide Web will flood you with opportunities to buy flowers—or at least you think so. Some websites, called phishing, cloned, spoofed, or mirrored sites, are designed to trick you. Most are designed to gather your personal information, including your identity or billing information. For them, the beauty is they did not seek you out; you came to them and fell directly into their lap.

But let’s dig into why you are searching for a floral web provider.

Most people think, “Let’s cut out the middleman, and I won’t have to pay as much.” Win-win, right?

No, and here’s why.

Even if a site provides flowers, such as flowers.com, Avas, or Bloom Nation, they cannot provide flowers without the help of a local florist, or they have to ship flowers—usually over a couple of days. I even noticed one site that advertised a local florist with their logo and information! Pretty brazen, right?

So, let’s do some math. You want to order a sympathy bouquet for $150, and you order online.

First, the third party takes their share, then the website host, then FTD will take an amount if involved.

So, while you think you are sending a nice bouquet worth $150, in actuality, it is probably closer to $100 in value.

Although the flowers may have come from the town flower shop, they weren’t given $150; they were told $125, minus delivery and various fees. So, they are given a budget of $100—not your intended $150. Sounds like a perfect setup for disappointment, doesn’t it? Well, that’s because it is!

Now, let’s talk about another way your value can be diminished—even through funeral homes! Some funeral homes sell flowers through their websites as a convenience tool and as a way to make revenue. To each their own, but I refuse to do that, and here’s why. Flower shops in our small-town communities are part of our bedrock foundation. They are incredible people who not only provide flowers but also give back in ways that are few and far between. They make our galas dance with beautiful colors, support local nonprofit or school fundraisers, usually donate flowers, and sponsor events. They go to unbelievable lengths to bring sunshine and blooms to those who need a little brightening in their day.

I refuse to sell flowers through our website because when you do that, your local florist gets less in return. Why? Because the funeral home takes part of the pie, as does the website provider with their fees. Besides, if a funeral home business needs to skim money off floral orders, they do not have a good business model to begin with. So again, what you envision for value is far from what you spent!

One other request that we have as funeral homes is to let the flower shop handle the entire order. I completely understand the thinking that you could save $5 or $10 in delivery fees, but florists know when to bring orders. They have a schedule to get them there early and in plenty of time during our setup. This way, the family gets to see them when they arrive for the gathering, and your flowers will be placed in a nice location versus the back of a visitation, where they might not get as much traffic if you bring them in the middle of the gathering.

So, the bottom line is this: If your goal is to honor the family or deceased with beautiful flowers or a plant, go directly to your preferred flower shop. They will work within your budget, and you will get the value you originally sought when deciding to send flowers. Bob, Joni, and Shelly, to name a few, have been in the community for decades. Besides being amazing people, they genuinely care about your family and want to help you honor your loved one within your price range! They play an integral role in our community’s local business network. This is why we share local florists’ websites on our local links resource page on our website: www.oconnellfuneralhomes.com/local-links/ . Buy local—you won’t regret it!

Finding the Right Words: How to Comfort Grieving Families

Fri, 20 Sep 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Finding the Right Words: How to Comfort Grieving Families

Ask The Funeral Director – Navigating Funeral Etiquette

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Finding the Right Words: How to Comfort Grieving Families

Beyond Burgers and Brews: The True Meaning of Memorial Day

Wed, 01 May 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Beyond Burgers and Brews: The True Meaning of Memorial Day

Death and Dying in Media: Fact-Checking the Fiction

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Death and Dying in Media: Fact-Checking the Fiction

Resources:

Quotes

“The realities of deaths are behind closed doors…So, if our only experience with death is what we see on the media, then we assume that’s what it is in natural life. And when we actually have a natural experience with death in our real life, we have this disconnect–we expect one thing, we see another thing and it turns into something altogether different.” – Amber Miller

Debunking Myths and Misconceptions on Hospice Care

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Debunking Myths and Misconceptions on Hospice Care

Resources:

Quotes

“99.9% of all families that I meet with, one of the first things they say is, “I wish we would’ve gotten our loved ones in hospice sooner.” – Amber Miller
“Oftentimes, the additional care that a loved one gets on hospice allows them to actually do better.” – Amber Miller

Debunking Myths on Embalming & Cremation

Sun, 01 Oct 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Breaking Down Organ and Body Donation Misconceptions

Resources:

Quotes

“The month of April is really important to talk about the importance of donating…but I think it’s important to talk about it (all) year-round.” – Amber Miller

Debunking Myths on Embalming & Cremation

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Debunking Myths on Embalming & Cremation

Resources:

FREE Informational Seminar
O’Connell Funeral Homes
Amber Miller
Read Show Transcript

Quotes

“We use flames to heat up the crematory itself. But I think a lot of people feel that the misconception is ‘Oh, my loved one’s body is going to be lit on fire,’ that is not how the cremation process works.” – Amber Miller

The Price of Saying Goodbye: Insights from a Funeral Director

Tue, 01 Aug 2023 04:00:00 GMT

The Price of Saying Goodbye: Insights from a Funeral Director

Resources:

Quotes

“We’re diligent about trying to take everything off your plate so you can focus on your own grief and healing.” – Amber Miller

Sacred Grounds: Unveiling the Significance of Cemeteries in the Grief Process

Sat, 01 Jul 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Sacred Grounds: Unveiling the Significance of Cemeteries in the Grief Process

In this episode, Pete and Amber are joined by Mike Miller of the Willow River Cemetery in Hudson, WI. Mike shares his personal journey, recalling how his fascination with the cemetery began when he worked there as a 15-year-old summer job worker. As the discussion unfolds, Mike opens up about the challenges and rewards of meeting with grieving families, emphasizing the fulfilling responsibility of assisting them through the burial arrangements process.

The trio dives into the intricacies of the sale process and the careful consideration given to selecting burial spaces in collaboration with the families. They also explore the significance of maintaining the cemetery grounds and the growing trend of families seeking a designated place, like a cemetery, for solace and remembrance.

Throughout the episode, the hosts and Mike emphasize the profound role cemeteries play in initiating the grief work process and providing individuals with a means to find solace and commemorate their loved ones.

Takeaways:

Cemeteries should not be seen merely as burial places, but rather as significant spaces for grief work and commemoration.
The role of a cemetery caretaker goes beyond administrative tasks, as they provide crucial support to grieving families during the burial arrangements process.

In this episode:

[2:28] Mike shares the story of his career as the caretaker for Willow River Cemetery and how he just “fell in love with the place” the first time he saw it as a 15-year-old kid for his summer job.

[4:53] Mike talks about his experience meeting with the families of the deceased and how it’s both a challenging and rewarding responsibility. He emphasizes how helping people get through the process of burial arrangements can be fulfilling.

[9:10] Pete asks Mike about how the sale process works and how they go about selecting the burial spaces with the families of the deceased.

[15:41] Mike talks about the importance of mowing and maintaining the burial spaces. Pete brings up the topic of scattering after cremation and the three discuss how some families eventually look for a place they can go to, such as a cemetery, to find peace and commemorate their loved ones.

[19:54] Mike shares about the spaces Willow River owns at the West Side of 9th Street and how they have enough land space for the generations to come. Amber synthesizes the discussion by reiterating how cemeteries are an amazing place to start the process of grief work.

Resources:

Quotes

“It’s a big responsibility, but there’s also some reward that goes with that if I feel like I (kinda) got them through the process of burial arrangements…little as painful as they thought it might have been.” – Mike Miller
“Time is the best healer.” – Mike Miller on grief

Carrying the Load: Roles of Pallbearers

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Carrying the Load: Roles of Pallbearers

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner and Amber Miller of O’Connell Family Funeral Homes discuss the role of pallbearers in funeral services. They explain the origin of the term “pallbearer” and its evolution to refer to individuals carrying the casket during a funeral procession. The hosts explore the process of choosing casket bearers, including age and gender requirements, and the benefits of involving loved ones in the selection process during pre-planning. The conversation also covers how the tradition of urn-bearers applies to cremated individuals and how it can be personalized to honor the wishes of the deceased and their loved ones. This episode also looks into the importance of personalizing the funeral service to reflect the wishes of the deceased and their loved ones.

Takeaways:

Pallbearers play an essential role in the funeral service by carrying the casket and honoring the deceased. Choosing pallbearers can be a thoughtful way to involve loved ones in the funeral planning process and ensure that the deceased’s final wishes are carried out with care and respect.

In this episode:

[1:27] Host Pete Waggoner jumps right into the interesting topic of pallbearers. Amber discusses the origin of the word and its practice. They talk about how in the middle ages, pallbearers used to carry the pall instead of the actual casket.

[3:23] Pete and Amber explore what it means to be a casket bearer and how they are chosen. Amber shares how some clients would request to assign their grandchildren as the pallbearers during the preplanning process.

[6:37] The two discuss how the tradition works for cremated individuals. Amber explains how certain loved ones may carry the urn, although having pallbearers in such cases is optional.

[9:01] Pete and Amber discuss the age and gender requirements for pallbearers. Amber shares how they would discuss the specifics with the deceased’s family.

[11:44] Pete and Amber talk about the interchangeability of the terms ‘pallbearer’ and ‘casket bearer.’ They also emphasize how identifying one’s casket bearers during preplanning can greatly show appreciation for the loved one.

Resources:

Quotes

“I think this is a great exercise where you can reach out to people and say you’re really important to me in my life. I like you to be part of this, and this is what I want you to do. What a great way to cement that in.” – Pete Waggoner on identifying one’s casket bearers during the funeral pre-planning process

Heartwarming Ways to Honor Your Mom This Mother’s Day

Mon, 01 May 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Heartwarming Ways to Honor Your Mom This Mother’s Day

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner and O’Connell Family Funeral Homes’ Amber Miller discuss the importance of remembering and honoring moms on Mother’s Day. They highlight the various ways people can pay tribute to their mothers–from setting up an altar in their homes to participating in charity works or doing acts of kindness. They also explore the role of grief and loss in Mother’s Day celebrations and how these can be a good way to build on the legacy and traditions created by the deceased.

Ultimately, the episode emphasizes the significance of showing love and appreciation to our mothers who left us with cherished memories and a lasting legacy this Mother’s Day.

Takeaways:

Remembering and honoring our moms on Mother’s Day can be a healing experience, especially for those who have just recently lost their mothers or who are struggling with the grief of their absence.
Building on the legacy left by our deceased loved ones can be a meaningful way to continue their memory and honor their impact on our lives.

In this episode:

[1:42] Pete and Amber open the discussion by talking about the things one should be aware of when honoring their moms on Mother’s Day. They discuss how being proactive and prepared and seeking companionship can help make grief triggers more manageable.

[3:54] Amber and Pete explore the different ways people can remember and celebrate their moms, such as writing a letter, buying flowers, and preparing their mother’s favorite meals for the family to enjoy together.

[10:13] Pete shares how his mother enjoyed doing volunteer work and supporting different causes. Amber talks about how doing acts of kindness or participating in charitable activities in honor of our mothers can be a meaningful way to continue their legacy and honor their values.

[13:24] Amber mentions how they get many questions about Mother’s Day celebrations during the month and how O’Connell Funeral Homes strive to become a good resource for everyone in the community.

Resources:

Quotes

“The greatest tip of the cap to one’s legacy is to continue on the things that they started–but it’s also to build on it too.” – Pete Waggoner
“Making new traditions too is important if creating the outstanding traditions is stressful.” – Amber Miller
“We want to be a good resource to everyone in the community…a safe haven for them to come to for their questions.” – Amber Miller

Dealing With Stress, Burnout, and Compassion Fatigue

Sat, 01 Apr 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Dealing With Stress, Burnout, and Compassion Fatigue

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner and O’Connell Family Funeral Homes’ Amber Miller welcome Stress Awareness Month by discussing the different aspects of stress. From its usual symptoms to how it relates to grief and burnout, the two share their personal insights and experiences on the topic. They also delve into compassion fatigue and how one can cope with the stress brought by providing care and solace to a grieving person. In the end, Pete and Amber share several Dos and Don’ts when dealing with stress.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone experiencing monumental changes or going through burnout, whether because of grief or exhaustion from the stressors of life.

Takeaways:

Stress can be isolating, but you don’t have to deal with it alone.
People who provide care and solace to those who are grieving can experience stress, too–this is called compassion fatigue.

In this episode:

[2:18] Pete and Amber start the discussion by defining what stress really is. Amber explains how it can have physical manifestations, which are the body’s way of reacting to monumental changes and disruptions to our routines.

[10:12] The two explore the topics of burnout and compassion fatigue. They discuss how stress can also be experienced by those who provide support and comfort to those who are grieving after a loved one’s death.

[13:49] Amber and Pete talk about the different ways one can deal with stress and compassion fatigue, whether as an individual or with friends and family. Amber shares how there’s no one-strategy-fits-all approach, but small efforts such as taking short walks and setting little goals for the day can make significant impacts.

[20:11] Amber delves into the community component of dealing with compassion fatigue. She talks about how some organizations, such as care centers, are starting to implement initiatives such as prayer and debriefing sessions for the nurses who support the patients and their families.

[24:29] Pete and Amber discuss the negative impacts of social media and excessive use of mobile devices on one’s overall health and sleeping habits. They wrap up the episode by summarizing the Dos and Don’ts of dealing with stress and highlighting the importance of counseling.

Resources:

Quotes

“…It’s universal, so it impacts all of us.” – Amber Miller on stress
“Stress is so isolating.” – Amber Miller
“We need to put ourselves as a priority. We need to know how to say no when our bucket is filled, when our limit is had. And we just need to practice self-care daily.” – Amber Miller

Local Resources to Help With the Grief Journey

Tue, 28 Feb 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Local Resources to Help With the Grief Journey

In this episode of Good Grief, Amber Miller and Pete Waggoner discuss local resources that can help those going through a difficult period of grief. Amber shares her knowledge and expertise on various types of resources such as counseling, support groups, and online platforms that can provide comfort and understanding during a time of loss.

Pete puts emphasis on the importance of breathing exercises and caring for one’s mind as a tool for coping with grief. The two talk about different ways to approach the healing process, such as doing volunteer work and getting involved in the community. They also encourage listeners to reach out for help if needed and provide resources that they may find in their local area.

Whether you are looking for guidance, comfort, or just someone to talk to, this episode of Good Grief will offer helpful and reliable advice.

Takeaways:

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief, and everyone may need different types of support.
Helping others can be a powerful way to cope with grief.

In this episode:

[0:45] Amber provides an overview of the resources available for grieving families and those whose friends are going through the process. She also enumerates the four things every grieving person must take into consideration: the mind, the body, the spirit, and the community.

[6:19] Pete highlights the importance of breathing exercises which can be a great source of inner calm and peace. The two talk about the different ways one can care for their mind other than therapy such as journaling.

[12:45] Amber discusses how doing volunteer work and forming bonds within the community can help with the healing process. Pete adds how the simple act of laughing with friends and fellow community members can be therapeutic.

[14:41] Pete and Amber share different resources and tips for those who have friends who are going through grief. From sending small tokens such as a plant, framed pictures, meals, and gift cards to simply showing up—they outline the many ways one can provide support.

Resources:

Quotes

“People form a sense of bond with someone else and then that gives them (maybe) the courage to do something different that they normally wouldn’t have done in the past.” – Amber Miller on doing volunteer work in the community as a way of coping with grief

Honoring a Loved One through Funeral Personalization

Tue, 31 Jan 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Honoring a Loved One through Funeral Personalization

In this episode of the Good Grief podcast, Amber Miller sits with host Pete Waggoner to discuss the topic of funeral personalization and how it can help people grieve. They explore why personalizing a funeral—from the flowers and decorations to the food after church service—can help the bereaved be reminded of their connection to their loved one, and how it can memorialize the legacies of those who have passed away. They discuss the different personalization options for funerals, and how to determine which elements are most meaningful. The episode also shares some tips on how to plan a personalized service that can provide a sense of comfort and closure.

Takeaways:

It’s in the meanings behind the elements of a funeral where personalization comes into play.
Grieving can be a creative and meaningful process.

In this episode:

[0:40] Pete brings up the question of using “are” versus “were” when referring to the deceased. Amber explains how using the present or past tense depends on what the loved ones are comfortable with but that the passing of someone does not take away who they have always been as a person.

[2:33] Amber and Pete go into the topic of funeral personalization and how it can help provide comfort to the bereaved. Amber shares how the unique parts of a funeral can bring healing and hope to the grieving family.

[7:44] The two talk about how flowers and decorations can be a major part of the personalization process and set the scene for the visitors during the service.

[13:51] Pete and Amber discuss how food can also be incorporated into the funeral and how it can be used to create a meaningful experience for the community. From having food trucks at the service to having a traditional dinner afterward, they explore how the food can be used to honor the life of their loved ones.

[19:01] Pete shares a story about how his sister’s friends and family contributed to the personalization of her funeral. The two talk about how creativity and resources can be used to make a special service that reflects the personality of the deceased and engages the grieving loved ones.

Resources

Quotes

“That’s how they are. They’ll always be that way for us.” – Amber Miller on referring to a deceased loved one
“Oftentimes, if a funeral doesn’t feel meaningful or personalized, it sometimes doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like it’s something that I can move forward from.” – Amber Miller

Funeral Preplanning Expectations With Amber Miller

Sun, 01 Jan 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Funeral Preplanning Expectations With Amber Miller

O’Connell Funeral Homes’ Amber Miller and host Pete Waggoner welcome the new year by discussing preplanning expectations in this episode of Good Grief. Amber shares her first-hand funeral experience with families whose deceased loved ones made it easier to prepare by taking the time to plan ahead of time. The two go into detail about the different aspects of prearranging—from the frequency and length of the sessions to the prepayment process and the specifics being discussed during the meetings. They also talk about how funeral pre-arrangement can be done in the comfort of home and how families can benefit greatly from this process.

This episode is a must-listen for those considering preplanning their funeral, as well as those who are already in the process of doing so. Because “A goal without a plan is just a wish,” as said by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry .

Takeaways:

Funeral pre-arranging lightens the load and grief of the mourning family.
Talking about death and funerals does not have to be uncomfortable.

In this episode:

[1:20] Pete Waggoner opens the discussion by asking Amber Miller what makes prearranging so important. Amber shares how she has encountered family members at funerals who are grateful that their deceased loved one or a relative has taken the time to plan ahead of time.

[4:29] Amber and Pete talk about where pre-arranging meetings usually take place. Amber also gives insight on how the conversation begins with the help of a deck of cards they have prepared for the purpose of guiding families throughout their discussion.

[8:23] Amber discusses the length of prearranging sessions and how frequent they should be. She mentions how it differs from family to family and that some clients finish their funeral preplanning in one meeting while others might require more.

[11:55] The two talk about the prepayment process and installment plans available. Amber reiterates that the prearranging process itself is 100% free and that it’s completely up to the family if they choose to pay for their funeral services in advance.

[14:06] Amber shares about O’Connell Funeral Homes’ advance preplanning guide which may serve as a workbook that will walk families and individuals through the process of pre-arranging their funeral.

Resources

Quotes

“I think they can expect a comfortable environment…because we follow your lead.” – Amber Miller, on what people can expect when they come to the funeral home
“When you go back and look at this, it can be a very empowering thing for all.” – Pete Waggoner on funeral prearranging

How We Can Help Those Who Grieve

Tue, 01 Nov 2022 04:00:00 GMT

How We Can Help Those Who Grieve

In this episode, Mike O’Connell and Amber Miller sit down with Pete Waggoner to discuss how one can be of assistance to those who are grieving. They explore the different ways a grieving person may behave and how we as outsiders can help support them through their journey. They also talk about the things one should avoid saying or doing when interacting with a person who just lost a loved one, particularly if the death was sudden or traumatic.

From the words of wisdom that can be shared, to the simple act of just being present, this podcast episode provides valuable tips for those who want to show they care.

Takeaways:

Sometimes, giving unsolicited advice and trying to fix the problem is not helpful for those who grieve. It is more important to be present, listen, and offer support in whatever way the grieving person needs it.
People move through their grief at different speeds and in different ways. It is important to be patient and understanding.

In this episode:

[2:25] Host Pete Waggoner starts the discussion by asking Mike and Amber about the important things a supporter or friend should know when helping someone through grief. Amber emphasizes how grief lasts longer beyond the funeral and how important it is for people to realize that the grieving process is different for everyone.

[6:07] The three talk about the importance of mentioning the name of the deceased to the grieving person. They share how important it is to keep the memory of the deceased alive and how saying their name can bring comfort.

[8:31] Pete asks Mike and Amber how they have gotten the wealth of knowledge they have in helping others through grief. The two mention how working closely with the families they serve has helped them gain a deep understanding of the grieving process.

[10:25] Amber talks about honoring the grieving person’s wishes and being honest about what one can offer in terms of support.

[14:13] Amber answers Pete’s question on how one can help a loved one facing imminent death. Mike shares some tips and insights on how one can help a person who is grieving a sudden or traumatic death.

Resources

Quotes

“Remember that grief lasts for a lot longer than the duration of the funeral.” – Amber Miller
“Sometimes the best medicine for people is just the silent presence. That’s more meaningful (to people) than filling (you know) those painful moments with words.” – Amber Miller

My Health, My Decisions: A Discussion on Advance Directives with Mike O’Connell & Dr. Kirsten Severson

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 04:00:00 GMT

My Health, My Decisions: A Discussion on Advance Directives with Mike O’Connell & Dr. Kirsten Severson

In this episode, Dr. Kirsten Severson along with Mike O’Connell and host Pete Waggoner explores the concept of advance directives and how they work. Dr. Severson provides a thorough explanation of the whole process and how these documents allow a person to make the tough decisions about their healthcare beforehand in case they are ever unable to do so. Mike O’Connell also gets candid about his own experiences and shares some insights on how advance directives can lift the burden off of families during difficult times.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who wants to learn more about advance directives and how they can protect you and your loved ones.

Takeaways:

Planning your health care in advance can not only allow you to make your own decisions but also ease the burden on your loved ones during tough times.
Facing the reality of our own mortality can be scary, but having these conversations with our loved ones and healthcare providers is important.

In this episode:

[1:34] Pete Waggoner opens the discussion by asking Dr. Severson to define what an advance directive is. The doctor explains the two types of advance directives: the living will and the power of attorney for healthcare.

[10:02] Dr. Severson talks about how and where a person can get an advance directive. She also shares some specific websites and online platforms which a patient can download and print the necessary documents from.

[21:37] The three talk about how a person’s advance directives will be used in the event that an unfortunate incident should happen outside of a hospital setting and where the first responders are not aware of the patient’s written wishes.

[24:49] Pete asks Dr. Severson how the conversation typically begins when a person wants to start thinking about their advance directives.

[35:34] Mike and Dr. Severson share some final thoughts and advice for those who are thinking about making their own advance directives. They put emphasis on how these documents can help people lift the burden off of their loved ones in the event that they are unable to make their own decisions.

Resources

Quotes

“It’s my body, it’s my life. And I want to direct what happens when things look not so very (maybe) good.” – Dr. Kirsten Severson
“We’ve got a long way to go yet, but it should be just a part of your general healthcare.” – Dr. Kirsten Severson on starting the conversation about advance directives
“Don’t put that burden on your loved ones.” – Mike O’Connell

How Preplanning Your Funeral Can Benefit You and Your Family

Fri, 05 Aug 2022 04:00:00 GMT

How Preplanning Your Funeral Can Benefit You and Your Family

In this episode hosted by Pete Waggoner, Mike O’Connell and Amber Miller discuss the process of preplanning one’s funeral and its multiple benefits. They go in-depth about the different aspects of funeral preplanning, from the finances to how the actual meetings are done with family members. They also talk about how death and grief can significantly impact those left behind, and how this process can help alleviate some of the burden. This episode provides listeners with a comprehensive look at funeral prearranging, and is an excellent resource for anyone considering this option.

Takeaways:

Preplanning is a great way to lighten the load for your loved ones after you’re gone.
Grief and death can bring significant changes and challenges to families.
While having conversations about death can be difficult, talking about your wishes ahead of time can make things much easier for everyone involved.

In this episode:

[2:23] Pete opens the discussion by asking why people prearrange their funerals. Mike provides different reasons such as being forced to do so due to a terminal illness, wanting to have more control over their own funeral, or simply having the desire to relieve the burden from their loved ones.

[6:25] The three talk about the significant changes death can bring to a family and the challenges that usually arise. They also begin to discuss the financial aspects of prearranging and how it can lessen the burden on those left behind.

[11:35] Amber shares how funeral trust can be a great gift, both for oneself and their loved ones. They also talk about the two different ways to set up an irrevocable funeral policy.

[14:11] Pete asks about how families receive the information when it comes to funeral prearranging and how much detail is usually given. Mike and Amber talk about how the process and benefits are explained to the family, as well as how the meeting is set up and conducted.

[22:37] Amber and Mike discuss the different meeting setups they do with people who are willing to prearrange their funerals. They share how they sometimes visit homes and care facilities to make the process as convenient as possible for those who need their services.

Resources:

Quotes:

“When grief starts getting put into the equation, that can change things in an instant.” – Amber Miller on how family dynamics can change after someone’s death
“Huge. You’re taking away the subjectivity of kids going against each other…you’re just setting them up to heal.” – Mike O’Connell on the benefits of preplanning and prefunding to families.

Coping with Secondary Loss & Caregiver Grief

Thu, 30 Jun 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Coping with Secondary Loss & Caregiver Grief

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner goes in-depth with Kathleen Helgeson and Amber Miller about the topic of secondary loss and caregiver grief. They discuss the smaller subsequent losses that happen after the death of a loved one, and how a loss can impact one’s roles and routines. They also delve into how to cope with the challenges that come with being a caregiver, as well as the grief it can bring before and after the death of the patient.

This episode is full of helpful tips and resources for those struggling with loss, as well as for those supporting someone through their grief journey.

Takeaways:

As a caregiver, having compassion for yourself is as important as having compassion for the person you are caring for.
Loss can come in many forms, and each one can have a significant impact on our lives.
It’s important to allow yourself to grieve in whatever way feels right for you.
If you are struggling to cope with loss or grief, reach out for help from a friend, a professional, or a support group.

In this episode:

[3:23] Amber begins the discussion by defining what secondary loss is and explaining how death encompasses more than just the physical loss of a loved one. Kathleen further elaborates on this concept by sharing how she has seen different forms of secondary loss play out in her work as a funeral celebrant.

[7:40] Pete Waggoner transitions the conversation to the topic of how loss can impact one’s roles and routines. They all share their insights on how the death of a loved one can cause ripple effects that touch every aspect of our lives.

[13:02] Pete Waggoner asks about how a person can build a new support system after experiencing loss. Kathleen and Amber share their thoughts on the importance of seeking out help and being open to receiving support from others.

[23:50] The three talk about how caregivers can often experience their own grief journey while caring for someone else. They discuss the challenges that come with being a caregiver and how to find compassion for oneself to rediscover a sense of balance.

[34:48] Pete Waggoner wraps up the conversation by asking Kathleen and Amber to share some final tips to caregivers who might be struggling with their own grief. They both emphasize the importance of being patient and compassionate with oneself, as well as taking the time to feed one’s own soul.

Resources:

Quotes:

“Healthy relationships lean on each other’s strengths and allow for one another’s weaknesses without thought.” – Kathleen Helgeson
“It takes courage to face our losses and our changes.” – Kathleen Helgeson
“We can’t give if our gas tank is empty.” – Amber Miller

Funeral Do’s and Don’ts: Funeral Etiquette 101

Wed, 01 Jun 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral Do’s and Don’ts: Funeral Etiquette 101

In this ‘scintillating’ episode of the Good Grief podcast, Mike O’Connell and Amber Miller of O’Connell Funeral Homes join Pete Waggoner to discuss funeral etiquette. They get into the nitty-gritty of the do’s and don’ts of attending a funeral–from the proper attire, to the conversation topics that may be off-limits or offending to the grieving family. The two also share about the real-life scenarios they have encountered in their years of experience and how to best handle each situation.

The podcast offers an insightful and retrospective look into the essence of funerals and the proper way to honor the deceased while also providing comfort to the bereaved loved ones.

Takeaways:

Being respectful and considerate goes a long way when attending a funeral.
There is no one right way to grieve.
We can’t assume what another person is going through, so it’s important to be sensitive and compassionate.

In this episode:

[2:14] Host Pete Waggoner opens the discussion by asking if wearing black is a must at funerals. Mike O’Connell responds by sharing how the color has become a sign of showing reverence to the deceased and to those who are grieving. The guests also get into detail about the kinds of clothes that are and are not appropriate to wear to a funeral.

[9:15] Mike talks about the conversational topics that may not be appropriate to discuss at a funeral and how using the deceased’s name can be a way to show that they are being remembered. Pete further dwells into the topic by asking whether referring to the deceased in the past tense may be a sign of disrespect.

[13:33] Amber Miller discusses the different things to follow when attending a funeral such as being on time, where and when to enter when arriving late, and what to do when leaving early. Mike shares some ridiculous funeral stories he has encountered in his line of work to drive the point home.

[24:10] Pete starts the conversation on what one should say to the grieving family. Mike puts emphasis on the importance of being mindful of the questions one asks and how they should be phrased.

[35:56] The trio moves on to the topic of nonverbal communication and how body language can be interpreted by the grieving family. They also discuss what a memorial exactly is and the specifics of ‘Thank You’ cards.

Resources:

Quotes:

“Grief is unique to every single person.” – Amber Miller
“Grief and love are essentially cut from the same cloth…The more we love someone, the more we grieve them. And it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to feel any emotion you feel with grief.” – Amber Miller
“Follow your heart, follow your gut.” – Mike O’Connell

How Cemeteries Make Resting in Peace Possible

Mon, 09 May 2022 04:00:00 GMT

How Cemeteries Make Resting in Peace Possible

In this episode of The Good Grief podcast, Mike O’Connell and Amber Miller get into cemeteries’ important role in providing a final resting place for people’s loved ones. They discuss the process of creating these final resting places, from deciding on the type of burial to personalizing the space to create a meaningful and lasting tribute. They also dive into the details of securing a cemetery plot and what one can expect when visiting a loved one’s final resting place. This episode provides listeners with an informative and compassionate look at the role of cemeteries in the grieving process.

Takeaways:

One’s final resting place can be beneficial for the loved ones they have left behind, providing a space for grief and healing.
Cemeteries aren’t just about providing a space for the deceased, but also about memorializing and honoring them.

In this episode:

[2:29] Host Pete Waggoner asks about the importance of cemeteries given the rise of other forms of memorialization, such as keeping the cremated remains at home. Mike O’Connell shares about his personal experience of finding peace and an opportunity to memorialize his loved ones at cemeteries and talks about the role that these spaces play in the grieving and healing journey.

[5:49] Amber Miller talks about how finding peace in the daily hustle and bustle of life can be a challenge. She shares how the peace and solace that cemeteries offer is something that can be beneficial for people who are grieving or simply looking for a moment of respite.

[10:33] Pete asks Mike O’Connell about the differences between columbarium, crypts, and other types of burial options available these days

[15:30] Amber talks about the different ways people can personalize their loved ones’ markers and monuments, and how churches and cemeteries have different rules about what kind of items are allowed.

[22:48] Mike and Amber get into the details of what people can leave on their loved one’s resting place such as wind chimes, trinkets, and plant stands. Mike also mentions how there are cemetery flower companies nowadays that even help with the upkeep of fresh flowers on the site.

Resources:

Quotes:

“It’s a place we go to memorialize.” -Mike O’Connell on cemeteries
“Once you do something it’s permanent. So give it thought, make sure it’s meaningful.” -Mike O’Connell

Healing Through Tattoos: How Getting Body Art Can Help With Grief

Tue, 19 Apr 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Healing Through Tattoos: How Getting Body Art Can Help With Grief

Losing a friend or a loved one is one of the hardest things a person can go through. The process of grieving can be long and difficult, and it can be hard to find ways to cope. And while finding closure and moving on are necessary, none of us would ever want to forget the people we’ve lost.

Fortunately, keeping the memories of our loved ones alive has now become a lot easier with all the options available such as creating necklace pendants with their ashes, planting trees in their memory, and even getting tattoos.

Yes, tattoos. While some people may see them as merely “body art,” there are now many people who are turning to tattoos as a way to help cope with their grief. But what exactly is it about tattoos that can help with the grieving and healing process?

Why Tattoos?

Up to this day, there are people who see tattoos as taboo. In some workplaces, they’re even seen as a liability. But in recent years, tattoos have become more and more accepted in society because people have begun to realize that they’re not just about looking cool or rebellious. For many, tattoos now carry a much deeper meaning.

And for those who have lost someone close to them, tattoos can be a way to keep the memory of that person alive forever. It’s a physical reminder that they existed and that they were loved. And unlike other tangible memorabilia, there can be more advantages to getting a tattoo.

They Can Last a Lifetime

Tattoos are permanent. Unlike other memorials or tributes, they don’t degrade over time and they won’t need to be replaced. As long as you take care of your tattoo, it can last for decades, which means that you’ll always have a physical reminder of the person you lost.

They Are A Part of You, Always

A tattoo isn’t something you can misplace or leave behind. It’s a part of your body, and it goes where you go. This can be comforting for some people because it means that their loved one is always with them.

They Can Help People Express Themselves

Tattoos are still a form of art and they can be used to express oneself in a very personal way. For people who have trouble verbalizing their grief, getting a tattoo can be a way to express what they’re feeling. And since each tattoo is unique, it can also be a way for people to share their stories with others.

They Can Help Us Regain Control

“Getting a tattoo is one of the things we can do to help us feel we got some control over the things that are out of our control.” – Mike O’Connell

In a recent episode of The Good Grief Podcast, Mike O’Connell talks about how getting a personalized tattoo to memorialize our loved ones can help us feel that we have control over something during a time when we feel lost and burdened by the uncertainties of life.

Losing a friend or family member can be a very overwhelming experience. And while there’s no guarantee that getting a tattoo will help everyone who is grieving, having such a physical reminder of our loved ones can be a source of comfort for many.

Personalized Tattoo Ink Additives

Apart from tattoo designs that specifically memorialize our loved ones, there are now tattoo inks that contain a small amount of the ashes or DNA of our loved ones. In the said podcast, Mike talks about how he discovered Everence Jewelry & Tattoos , a company that makes tattoo ink additives for those who want to keep their loved ones close to them always.

Through their 21-step process, Everence creates powder additives with the collection kit provided by the client. The tattoo ink additives can be mixed with any color of tattoo ink and it’s up to the client to decide on the tattoo artist, design, and location.

Meet Lori

Lori Christopherson utilized the services of O’Connell Funeral Homes when she lost her son two years ago. While she found various options to process her grief and memorialize her son, she decided to get a personalized tattoo with his fingerprints. According to Lori, the opportunity has been an integral part of her healing journey and has helped her feel more connected to her son.

Some Memorial Tattoo Design Ideas You Might Like

Whether you’re using personalized tattoo ink with special additives, or you simply want a design that memorializes the person you’ve lost, you want your tattoo to be special and significant. Thus, we’ve gathered some memorial tattoo design ideas that can get you started:

A Butterfly

Butterflies are often associated with rebirth and new beginnings. They can be seen as a symbol of hope and resilience, which can be very comforting for those who are grieving.

Your Loved One’s Initials

Another popular choice for memorial tattoos are the initials of your loved one. This can be a simple yet elegant design that is easy to carry with you always.

A Line From a Song or Poem

Songs and poems often have a way of encapsulating our feelings and experiences. If there’s a particular line from a song or poem that resonates with you, you can consider getting it tattooed as a tribute to your loved one.

A Portrait

If you want a more personal tattoo design, you can consider getting a portrait of your loved one. This can be a great way to keep their memory alive and with you always.

A Paw Print

For those who have lost a furry friend, a paw print tattoo can be a beautiful way to memorialize them. This tattoo design can also be accompanied by the initials or name of your pet.

A Quote

If you have a favorite quote from your loved one, or a quote that helps you feel connected to them, you can consider getting it tattooed as a reminder of their life and legacy.

Infinity Symbol

The infinity symbol can represent eternal love and connection. This can also signify hope and resilience amidst grief and loss.

A Heart

A heart tattoo can be a simple yet powerful design to memorialize your loved one. It can represent the love that you have for them, and how they will always be in your heart, even though they are no longer with you.

Grieving & Healing Through Art

The process of grieving and healing is different for everyone. However, forms of art, such as getting a tattoo, can be both a liberating and cathartic experience for many. It can be a way to express our feelings, honor our loved ones, and keep their memory alive as a part of us. If you’re considering getting a memorial tattoo, we hope that these ideas have inspired you.

And if you want to know more about personalized tattoos or hear Lori’s story, tune in to the latest episode of The Good Grief podcast .

Listen Now:

O’Connell Family Funeral Homes merge St. Croix and Pierce County locations to better serve local communities

Tue, 08 Feb 2022 05:00:00 GMT

O’Connell Family Funeral Homes merge St. Croix and Pierce County locations to better serve local communities

To better accommodate Western Wisconsin communities, specifically Pierce County, as well as to offer a complete range of grief services, the locally owned and operated O’Connell Family Funeral Homes are merging their St. Croix and Pierce County locations in Hudson, Baldwin, Ellsworth, Prescott, and River Falls. The Pierce County funeral homes, previously owned by Tom & Mike O’Connell and a partner, will now be run solely by the O’Connell Family and their dedicated staff. Each site will remain open and, with their unification, will now have the benefit of streamlined operations and consistent offerings, including on-site cremation.

“We aren’t trying to get bigger,” says funeral director Mike O’Connell, “only looking to assist the surrounding areas with more resources, while continuing to treat every family as if they were our own. We have great overlap between the families we serve in Hudson & Baldwin and with the communities of Pierce County. It only made sense to bring them all together so we can serve the communities even better.”

The O’Connell family has a long and trusted relationship with Hudson, starting with Frank O’Connell back in 1926. One of the first graduates of the University of Minnesota Mortuary Science program, he opened a mortuary in Hudson that operated until the end of World War II.

In 1985, Frank’s nephew, Thomas P. “Tucker” O’Connell, brought the family business back to Hudson. With the help of his two sons, Dan and Mike, they worked diligently to reconnect with the community and provide much-needed services. And, like the Irish Claddagh in their logo, they honor what’s important to all of us – Love, Loyalty, and Friendship – when celebrating a life lived. Although Tom and Dan have since passed, their legacy lives on. Mike and his team continue their tradition of exemplary personal care and commitment to the families of St. Croix and Pierce Counties, as well the greater Western Wisconsin area and beyond, including Minnesota.

One of the most important and significant results of the merger is the accessibility to the on-site crematory at the Baldwin location – a dignified option for all families working with any of the O’Connell locations. According to their website, “In response to our growing unease when using an off-site crematorium for our families, [we] opened our own state-of-the-art crematory in 2005.” “The result has been overwhelming. We control EVERY aspect of the process while offering an unparalleled customized service for each family at an affordable price.”

A local crematory operated by a small funeral business reduces the need for sending the deceased increasingly far away or even out-of-state for cremations to be handled by untrained individuals. The cremations at Baldwin are operated solely by licensed funeral directors and those with Crematory Operator training, and even by the same staff who have walked with the families earlier during the funeral arranging process. This familiarity for families creates consistency and a commitment for exceptional care.

The funeral homes will continue their long-standing tradition of providing personal care to families by extending a variety of services to commemorate their loved ones. O’Connell Funeral Homes offer complete funeral, cremation, memorial, and celebration of life services, which can be customized in a variety of ways to honor the individual. They also provide a comprehensive pre-arranging service, including protecting assets through funeral trusts. In fact, they will honor other funeral homes pre-arrangements and make the transfer of information to O’Connell’s seamless. “We do all the work for the family. They sign a letter indicating their desire to transfer their complete record and file to O’Connell’s, and we take care of the rest. They never have to speak to the other funeral home.”

About O’Connell Family Funeral Homes & Cremation Services
Providing a wide range of services, varying from full funerals to cremations and memorial services, O’Connell Funeral Home offers your family professionalism with the personal touch that can only come from a family owned and operated funeral home. Being members of the National Funeral Directors Associations; they adhere to the highest standards in the country and industry. Locations to serve in Hudson , Baldwin , Ellsworth , Prescott , and River Falls .

The Final Say – Writing Your Own Obituary

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 05:00:00 GMT

The Final Say – Writing Your Own Obituary

Today, it’s not unusual for obituaries to go viral. The reasons are often the tone (poignant to acerbic), length (War & Peace-type tomes to extreme brevity), or content (move-you-to-tears recollections to the airing of family grievances). Which begs the question: who is responsible for penning the sensational piece? Was it the deceased themselves or a well-meaning family member? Recently, a pair of brothers included the following in their father’s obituary, “In lieu of flowers, please place an irresponsibly large wager on Nebraska beating Iowa.” The brothers cited their dad’s love for the Cornhuskers and gambling as their reason for their request.

The Importance of Obituaries and Why You Should Write Your Own

Obituaries serve an important part in society. They honor and memorialize the deceased, inform the community and public of the loss, assist in the grieving process, and share funeral details and final arrangements. It also provides an overview of the deceased.

When it comes to your last communication out to the world – you know you best. Writing your own obituary is your chance to punctuate your life in the way you feel most represents you. Plus, it is a very kind gift to your loved ones, who in their hours of grief, are bound to have a difficult time trying to write a piece they deem worthy.

Personal Reflection

Writing your own obituary is not a harbinger of bad things to come. You still have places to go and people to see! In fact, this exercise also offers you the opportunity to take stock of where you are in life, how you got there, and if you are on a path you always envisioned. These ruminations will assist in crafting a legacy that is uniquely and deliberately yours.

The truth is life is not limitless – and, undoubtedly you want to make the most of it by living intentionally and not just aimlessly being swept along. Ask yourself if your current existence is reactive versus proactive. If so, that’s ok, you’ve got time to redirect your course! Daydream the following thoughts:

Do I like the path I’m on? What is my life purpose?
What is missing from my life? What is overtaking my life?
Am I happy with the legacy I am creating?
Do I have regrets? Can I readdress them?

Treat your obituary as an inspirational map for your ambitions, dreams, and alternate paths.

Good-to-Knows

Here are some quick facts about obituaries before you start crafting your own. They typically average around 200 words. It is important to keep this in mind as traditional placement of obituaries remains in print newspapers. Each newspaper is different in their way of considering length, but larger newspapers tend to charge by the inch or line. On average, pricing starts at $200 and can quickly total up to approximately $1000. If length is an issue, wouldn’t you rather have control of paring it down than someone else?

Step 1 – Brainstorm

Although you are your own best expert on yourself, that doesn’t mean that summing up your life and last statements comes easily. Instead of creating a resume of events and accomplishments, find ways of intertwining facts with anecdotes and recollections. Here are some ideas and questions that can get the wheels turning:

What words best describe your life? A common and effective writing prompt is the 3- to 6-word memoir, an idea launched by Smith Magazine . The responses led to a book called Not Quite What I Was Planning – 1000+ of the best 6-word memoirs.
What has life meant to you? What are your proudest accomplishments?
What quirks make you unique? Describe your personality, character traits, essence – the unfiltered, real you.
What has life meant to you? How did you make the world a better place?
What are your favorite memories? Ask your family/friends their favorite memories and recollect on family eccentricities and traditions.
What legacy are you leaving behind? How would you like your memory honored?
Who will you really miss the most and why?
What tone best suits you?

There are other places to find inspiration as well. Try reviewing other obituaries. In 2019, The New York Times declared the obituary of Joe Heller as “the best obituary ever….” Also, the website The Remembering Site is chock full of free inspiration questions and prompts. For a fee, you can gain access to hundreds more.

Step 2 – The Basics

At its most basic, your obituary should minimally include certain facts. Some of these items will need to be delegated to a loved one and filled in after your passing. You can include these in your draft with brackets like this: <funeral information>.

1. The Deceased

Full name – including first, middle name or initial, last name, maiden name, nickname, or former name
<Age at death; location and time of death>
Birthdate
Where you were born, where you made your home
<Cause of death>– your choice if you’d like included

2. Relatives – Living & Deceased

Provide the full names of parents, siblings, children, and spouse
Partners of children are noted after the child’s name, in parentheses.
Example: “Survived by son Timothy (Anne) Johnson.”
List the total number of grandchildren or great-grandchildren. It is your choice to simply use the number or include names too.
Other inclusions can be grandparents, aunts, uncles, stepfamily, other extended family, close friends, and pets
If you are looking for a way to organize the list, common obituary practice suggests this order: spouse, children and the names of their spouses, parents of the deceased, extended family, close friends, pets
Another organizational method, especially if any editing might be necessary for space, is spouse plus the town or city they reside, children (in the order of when they were born) and their spouses, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, parents, grandparents, siblings, extended family (all listed in birth order), friends and pets. List those who have preceded the deceased after living members in the same order, i.e., spouse, children, grandchildren and more.

3. Funeral/Final Arrangements/Legacy

<Communicate whether the funeral will be private or open to the public. If private, phrases such as “Services will be held privately” or “Services will be held for immediate family,” are commonly stated at the end of the obituary.>
<If there will be an open funeral, at minimum include the time, day, date, place, and location>
<If applicable, include the details for any graveside services and/or viewings beyond the funeral ceremony – site, time, day, and date>
<Other options include naming the pall bearers and officiant>
<List where flowers can be sent, if desired, or ask in lieu of flowers that donations be made to a favored charity or a memorial fund – include the name, website and/or address>

Step 3 – Bringing in Assistance

If you are struggling to pull your obituary together, there are outside resources that can provide a boost.

Ask a friend or family member to work with you
Inquire at local funeral homes – O’Connell Family Funeral Home’s trained and caring staff can write it for you or your family member
Take a class – sometimes offered through community and adult ed workshops
Ask for advice – the Society of Professional Obituary Writers provides contact info for obituary writers
Hire a professional – since writing styles and costs (approximately $200-$500) between professional obit writers differ greatly, be sure to research thoroughly by reading their webpages, testimonials, and samples. One such pro is Katherine Blossom Lowrie of The Précis .
Use a template – there are many available for download on the web

Step 4 – Picture This

It seems there is no correct answer when choosing a picture to include with your obituary. The quandary of whether to post an older or more recent photo has been hotly debated in both Miss Manners and Dear Abby. The answer comes down to your own personal preference.

To avoid any possible confusion, use a solo photo of yourself
Ensure the image is high-quality for printing
Think of what expression or surroundings best capture your personality or passions
Or, feel free to skip a photo altogether – there is no rule requiring an accompanying picture

Step 5 – Obituary Maintenance and Communication

Writing an obituary is not a one and done task. As time goes by, it is good to revisit your obituary periodically with updates. It is also necessary to loop in loved ones after your initial completion and check in with them occasionally.

Review your initial obituary with a trusted loved one so that 1) it gets an extra set of eyes for editing, and 2) it familiarizes them to places within the document that will require assistance after your passing
Set a date on your calendar every couple of years or so to review for life updates
Discuss the bracketed funeral and death details with your loved ones and express your wishes regarding location, options, flower versus donations, etc.… These are the items they will need to complete for you.
Alert family as to where you would like your obituary posted – consider traditional newspapers in various places you’ve lived over the years, online memorial sites like Tributes.com , and/or friend and family social platforms and blogs
Notify a family member where your obituary and image are stored, including logins, passwords, and devices, if the document is not handwritten

Curious how the pros do it? Here are two books by experts, who consider obituaries an art form.

Baranick’s Life on the Death Beat: A Handbook for Obituary Writers coauthored by Stephen Miller and Jim Sheeler

The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries by Marilyn Johnson

The Holidays Can Be A Grief Trigger – Ways To Cope

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 05:00:00 GMT

The Holidays Can Be A Grief Trigger – Ways To Cope

Your Digital Legacy: Passwords Need A Plan

Fri, 19 Nov 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Your Digital Legacy: Passwords Need A Plan

How to help a grieving friend, as well as what is NOT helpful

Fri, 01 Oct 2021 04:00:00 GMT

How to help a grieving friend, as well as what is NOT helpful

Learn things you can apply immediately.

In today’s episode, Kathy Helgeson, a certified funeral celebrant at O’Connell Family Funeral Homes, joins us to discuss how to help a grieving friend .

What’s helpful.

What’s not.

How shifting your view could help you, as well as someone grieving the loss of a loved one.

Links mentioned in this podcast:

Meet Kathy

6 needs of mourning – Alan Wolfelt

5-days of grief & the holidays meditation video series

How Positive Affirmations Can Help The Grieving Process

Wed, 01 Sep 2021 04:00:00 GMT

How Positive Affirmations Can Help The Grieving Process

Losing a loved one is one of the most significant and stressful life events that all humans must experience. Navigating grief will be different for each person but it can be really helpful to validate the sadness before trying to move through it.

Affirmations are a helpful tool for dealing with intense feelings of grief and loss. An affirmation is a declaration that brings clarity to the present moment. During difficult times, affirmations can help steady your emotions and create a more positive mindset. As you go through the grieving process, take some quiet moments to connect with yourself and use affirmations that resonate in a positive way.

Below are 20 affirmations that can help shift your mind:

1. I release the tension in my body and relax.

2. I allow myself to feel my grief and then let go.

3. I can focus on being productive today.

4. I take comfort in the memories of my loved one.

5. I recognize painful moments but I know it will pass.

6. I will hold on to love and release the grief.

7. I can feel happy and hopeful today.

8. I choose to feel the presence of my loved one.

9. I give myself time and space to feel all my feelings.

10. I will give myself a break today.

11. I can be gentle with myself as I heal.

12. My heart feels lighter today.

13. It’s okay that I need time to grieve.

14. I will take the time to care for my needs today.

15. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed but I will feel better soon.

16. I can cope with the grieving process.

17. I can ask for help if I need it.

18. I will accomplish my goals today.

19. I feel grateful for all the love in my life.

20. I choose to feel at peace today.

Utilize these affirmations by saying them out loud, or just thinking about them with focused intention.

Contact O’Connell Family Funeral Homes if you are having a difficult time in your grief journey, and would like some healing resources.

3 Responses

Rito S. Castaneda says:

May 23, 2023 at 8:11 pm

“Now is the beginning of a new day. I have been given this day, to do with it what I will. I can waste it or use it for good; but what I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow, comes this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something I have traded for it. I want it to be ‘gain not loss’; ‘good not evil’; ‘success not failure’; in order that I shall not regret the price I have paid for it.” .., by Tora Institute, LLC

Judy Walker says:

June 12, 2023 at 11:03 pm

In loving memory of my brother Wallace Walker
I take comfort in the memories of my loved one

Estelle Coffino says:

July 7, 2024 at 1:18 pm

I try to embrace each new day as a gift granted to me from God. I write this in memory of my loved one Sara whose light shall forever surround me and shine ever so bright in my heart

Don’t make these funeral pre-planning mistakes

Wed, 01 Sep 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Don’t make these funeral pre-planning mistakes

With O’Connell Family Funeral Homes, pre-planning your funeral is simple, easy, and personal. The process, which may seem slightly morbid, can actually be a great way to grow together as a family and put together a beautiful celebration.

However, as you approach the pre-planning process, there are a few things you may want to avoid. Watch out for some of these common mistakes:

1. Be cautious about under-spending. It’s true that pre-planning is a great way to save your family from making emotional decisions creating undue financial stress while in the midst of their grief. However, it’s also important to remember that, while some services are more expensive than others, it’s solely based on the value they provide. It is difficult to put a price tag on our children and grandchildren learning how to heal from such an overwhelming loss.

2. Do not underestimate the loss in your family’s life when you are gone. Most of us don’t like a lot of attention. We hide our birthdays and tell everyone we don’t need any presents for Christmas. We are humble. This is not the time to be modest. In fact, it is time to be an advocate. For your family! Set them up to be able to celebrate your life, but more importantly, to learn how they are going to survive without you. The funeral is the first, and in our eyes, the most significant step in this process.

3. Rushing through things. Nobody wants to dwell on the thought of their own funeral. Unfortunately, rushing through the pre-planning process can lead to frustration, indecision, and anxiety. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to ensure you understand exactly what you are planning.

4. Not pre-planning at all. You may not be very invested in your funeral service. After all, you won’t be there! It may seem like an unnecessary expense. But these funeral services are a key part of the healing process, and planning out a day that everyone can enjoy is a worthwhile investment of your time. Don’t blindside your loved ones!

For more tips – or to begin the pre-planning process! – contact O’Connell Family Funeral Homes .

Words that capture your loved one

Fri, 23 Jul 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Words that capture your loved one

Nobody wants to think about writing an obituary for a loved one, especially in the midst of grief. O’Connell Family Funeral Homes seeks to help our clients celebrate their loved ones in a way that assists with healing and honors their loved one’s precious life.

Here are some of our best tips for easing this process:

1. Start early. It may seem strange, but it’s wise to have a conversation with your loved ones about the events that shaped their life before they pass. Ask about accomplishments they’d like highlighted or favorite family memories. Need help? We have the perfect suggestion. It is called “Have The Talk Of A Lifetime,” a deck of conversation starter cards. Learning about memorable events, people, places, values and lessons they have learned can help bring you closer to the people you care about.

Schedule your pre-arranging appointment today & we’ll give you The Talk Of A Lifetime deck.

2. Speak from the heart. It’s tempting to focus on poeticism or be strictly professional. However, your loved ones and fellow grievers want to hear from you in this moment. Don’t be afraid to work in your unique voice.

3. Acknowledge family members. Classic obituaries tend to mention family members and loved ones that the deceased left behind. This crucial tradition helps readers make connections to people they may know, reminding them to serve as a support system and friendly face throughout the grieving process.

For additional information or to start pre-arranging , contact O’Connell Funeral Homes today.

What age should you plan your funeral?

Thu, 01 Jul 2021 04:00:00 GMT

What age should you plan your funeral?

We get it. Planning your funeral may seem morbid or unnecessary, especially if you’re not facing any significant health problems, are young in age, or young at heart. Planning is not about age, it’s about emotions. It helps create a process to your achieved goal; your funeral or memorial gathering.

Your preferences may seem like awkward dinner conversation or an uncomfortable mood killer, however, it’s something that can bring families together, no matter your age. It is always wise to share your desired funeral wishes with loved ones. Your best kept intentions will mean nothing if no one knows what they are!

At O’Connell Family Funeral Homes, we take great pride in crafting a unique and personalized celebration that captures the lives of your loved ones.

Although it may seem like a difficult topic, pre-planning your funeral can help your family through this process in a myriad of ways:

Relieve financial stress. Many family members feel pressured in planning a loved one’s arrangements. What would they like? What don’t they want? Would they let my kids say goodbye one last time if they care about being cremated? Where do they want to be buried? Clarifying your wishes will eliminate the myriad of choices your loved ones will have to make in guessing what you would want. This will help eliminate making decisions based on emotions versus facts leading to unnecessary spending.
Ease the planning burden. Navigating funeral arrangements in the midst of grief can be incredibly difficult. Planning before a loss can relieve some of the pressure of the responsibility. Following our loved ones’ guidance creates a feeling of peace and relief.
Perfectly match your celebration to you. Your funeral can be filled with your favorite songs, colors, and traditions. Share with your family what you want the day to look like so that they can enjoy it, knowing how much it would’ve meant to you. Want everyone to wear their favorite jersey, pass out wildflower seed packets, or dish out your favorite root beer floats? Let’s have them walk away with a smile knowing we captured your essence perfectly!

It’s Time to Plan the Funds and Fun of Your Funeral. Contact O’Connell Funeral Homes to begin your pre-planning process today .

Put the “you” in eulogy – write your own!

Wed, 09 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Put the “you” in eulogy – write your own!

Yes, you read that title right. While writing your own eulogy may seem, at best, slightly pessimistic and, at worst, slightly narcissistic, it’s actually a really good idea.

Although we all hope that we have many more days ahead of us, tragedies happen.

Writing your own eulogy can help you reflect on your life and think about how you want to live that life going forward. You can read it often and see if you are living up to your own words.

In the midst of your loved ones’ grief, the last thing they need to be worried about is putting together the perfect eulogy. Because of this, taking the time to write your own is a selfless act. Here are some reasons to put the pen to paper and try to do yourself justice:

1. Relieve pressure on loved ones. After a loss, the people you love most will be desperate to honor you as best as they can. Coming up with the right words to say can be an unnecessary burden on those who are already mourning such a huge loss.

2. Make it personal. It may seem obvious, but no one knows you like you! By writing your own eulogy, you can ensure that your favorite accomplishments and memories are highlighted.

3. Give the gift of a new story. You can use your eulogy to reveal a funny story or touching memory that your loved ones have never heard. This gift from beyond the grave is a precious and unforgettable gesture.

If you’re facing writer’s block or would like more tips for funeral pre-planning , contact O’Connell Family Funeral Homes today.

Remembering Mom on Mother’s Day

Mon, 03 May 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Remembering Mom on Mother’s Day

Flowers for funerals – new podcast!

Thu, 08 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Flowers for funerals – new podcast!

Listen to our latest Good Grief podcast , where we talk to Shelli Erck, from Hudson Flower Shop, about the history behind the use of funeral flowers, their significance in funeral services, things we should consider when picking flowers, and many other interesting topics.

Pre-planning a funeral: what to know

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Pre-planning a funeral: what to know

Many people approach the subject of funeral pre-planning with hesitation and apprehension. Raising the topic of your own death or that of a loved one can be extremely uncomfortable. While it’s tempting to put off funeral planning until it’s absolutely necessary, doing so early is a wonderful opportunity to relieve future stress from your loved ones.

O’Connell Family Funeral Homes has helped many countless families successfully plan beautiful celebrations of life over the years. We’re confident in our ability to make your planning process smooth and personal. Still, we understand that you may have some questions. Here are some of the most common questions we receive, answered.

If I want to change my plans, what happens to the trust or money?

Pre-planning exists to eliminate stress and create your ideal funeral experience. Funeral trusts are designed to capture the intentions or desires of individuals or families. But over time, our feelings and thoughts can change. Good news is that your trust changes with you. If services are amended that result in less expenses than anticipated, the excess funds are returned to the family. The one exception to this rule is if an individual is on Medicaid, then families are not allowed to keep any excess funds.

What happens if funeral costs rise before I pass?

If you choose to pre-pay, you get the benefit of investing in a competitive interest-bearing account that grows with inflation and has incentive ‘bumps’ in value for investing. Funeral trusts typically utilize insurance policies to fund the money. Funeral trusts are much different than term life insurance or ordinary/whole life policies that grow a cash value as well as a death benefit. Funeral trusts are simple and transparent. You put a predetermined amount aside as principle, and when death occurs, you get the principle and all of the interest it has accumulated. They are designed to offset inflation.

What if I move away after I’ve pre-paid for a funeral?

No worries whatsoever. Our pre-payment plans are carried out through the establishment of a funeral trust or irrevocable life insurance policy wherever you end up. If you want to eliminate the financial burden your loved ones may face while planning a funeral, you can set aside a sum of money to be used for the services. If you and your family relocate before the passing of a funeral’s honoree, you will still own this trust and can use it for expenses at your new location.

For more information, or to begin the pre-planning process , don’t hesitate to contact O’Connell Family Funeral Homes today.

Please share this with a friend that you think would benefit from it.

Funeral etiquette – What to wear, what to say…

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral etiquette – What to wear, what to say…

Should I donate my body to science? – new podcast

Tue, 09 Mar 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Should I donate my body to science? – new podcast

A bucket list PDF download for you

Thu, 04 Mar 2021 05:00:00 GMT

A bucket list PDF download for you

What will your legacy be?

Thu, 04 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

What will your legacy be?

Grief & the holidays meditation series

Sun, 13 Dec 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Grief & the holidays meditation series

Hospice care and end of life decisions with Kate Garza, a social worker at Moments Hospice

Tue, 01 Dec 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Hospice care and end of life decisions with Kate Garza, a social worker at Moments Hospice

Are you thinking of cremation?

Tue, 03 Nov 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Are you thinking of cremation?

One Response

erotik says:

November 16, 2020 at 9:49 pm

I got what you intend,saved to my bookmarks, very nice website. Francesca Emlyn Materi

Cemeteries

Thu, 01 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Cemeteries

What COVID has done to the ritual of saying goodbye.

Fri, 11 Sep 2020 04:00:00 GMT

What COVID has done to the ritual of saying goodbye.

Honoring all lives lost to overdose

Mon, 31 Aug 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Honoring all lives lost to overdose

Funerals should celebrate the life of our loved ones and the best funeral directors make it happen!

Wed, 01 Jul 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Funerals should celebrate the life of our loved ones and the best funeral directors make it happen!

A Message to the Community During the COVID-19 Pandemic

Wed, 10 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

A Message to the Community During the COVID-19 Pandemic

Our grief just got way more complicated

Tue, 28 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Our grief just got way more complicated

Grief is deep and poignant distress caused by bereavement, something that we have lost or deprived of. Grief is consistent, relentless, unwavering, and unbiased. It knows no boundaries. It is not afraid to get its grips on you whether you are male or female or young or old. It pays zero attention to race, economic status, or your place in society. If you can love, you can lose. And when you lose, you grieve! Grief puts on a display of every emotion we can think of. There is obvious pain and sadness. There is anger why this has happened! There is guilt that we should have done more. There is relief that our loved ones are not suffering. There is happiness with all the wonderful memories we share. This is everyday grief that each and everyone experiences. And then, there is complicated grief.

And now we have Coronavirus and social distancing which is complicating and disenfranchising our grief! We grieve everyday. We lose clients or accounts at work, we lose our keys or cell phones, we lose money in investments, our favorite team loses, and with all of this, it feels like we are losing our mind! Many people fail to recognize the full impact loss plays on our daily lives. Grief is opportunistic looking for any ways to ream havoc in our lives. It mutates and spreads when given opportunities. It also acts as a mortar that binds all of our negative emotions together and tries to embed deep inside our souls. And finally, it promotes alienation from the ones we love and care for by making us want to crawl into a hole by ourselves. It is extremely important to understand that this is everyday grief! Please do NOT associate what I have discussed for the weak, frail, or faint hearted. This is about YOU, and ALL of us!

It is important to understand the fundamentals of grief to recognize how impactful Covid is to our everyday grief. Covid, for practical purposes, has stolen our coping mechanisms for healing from our loss. We can’t gather to mourn the death of our loved ones. As much as some shy away from structure, ritual, and being social, these are basic needs of all of us. When life deals us a huge blow of a loss of a loved one, we need to gather as one to reflect, understand the loss, and begin the healing process. So for practical purposes, we are handcuffed as we try to cope with today’s losses.

So, having knowledge about how grief affects you during these difficult times, what can you do? Here are some broad ideas of what you can do personally.

Please know that there is not a flowchart to follow. How we grieve is not universal and there is no fool proof way to get out from under it. Yes, there are many commonalities to grief, but what you are facing is as unique as the life you live! So when someone says, “I know how you feel”, they really don’t. They know how they felt in their grief.
Be kind to yourself. Sounds silly doesn’t it? But it is true. We are our own worst critics and judges. Please don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t think that you simply have to put your big boy or girl pants on and just get through this. Treat yourself how you would treat your best friend, with gentle reassurance, support, and love. After all, you are your own best advocate.
Talk and open up when ready. You do not need to toughen up. You need to lean on those you love you. You are NOT a burden to others. Give them the gift of helping you! Allow yourself to be vulnerable and to feel the emotions. Ask yourself what actual feelings come to the surface when you think of your loved one. If you say, “It’s just so lonely and quiet at night now.” Dive deeper into that. Think about what you are actually feeling. Write them down and think about them. Find out truly what your heart is feeling. Name it.
So many emotions from both sides of the spectrum are being felt during this time. How can you be profoundly sad at the same time you are happy with so many great memories? Feeling like you are losing your mind is normal.
Please just feel what you are feeling. I’ve been there. Just wanted to take the edge off, right? Glass of wine, a couple beers, or a shot of whiskey seem like an antidote. But actually, they are by themselves a depressant! They only temporarily mask the symptoms. Besides having a headache or feeling groggy the next morning because one turned into too many. Don’t add a depressant to address the situation. The same goes for taking a couple pills from a friend to help you sleep. If you haven’t been prescribed medication for anxiety or depression, please don’t take them. These medicines are prescribed after careful consideration along with other measures such as counseling, etc. Pills alone are not the answer. After a loss, it is recommended to schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider.

No one will argue that grief is easy. It seems daunting and difficult. But here is what you need to know. You will heal, albeit with hard work and as a result, a deeper awareness and appreciation of who you really are. On both a personal and professional level, I get this. Eighteen years ago, my world was turned upside down with the murder of my brother. I experienced every emotion imaginable. But being that I work with grief everyday, I had a handle on grief, right?? Wrong!! I was so sad, hurt, angry, scared, revengeful, and terrified. I tried to play detective while serving other families at the funeral home, while neglecting my own home and trying to figure everything out. I became cynical, sarcastic, and was annoyed by those around me. Finally, when I blew a gasket when the temperature didn’t reach 40, only 38, is when I realized I needed some help. With the help of great counseling and pastoral care, I not only came out of my funk, I grew spiritually and emotionally. I tell you this, not because I’m looking for any accolades, rather an inspiration that you can do this under extreme heartbreaking conditions.

With grief, loss can be seen as a four letter word, but it can also be seen as other four letter words, love or heal. Recovery will be healthier once recognized for what it is, versus what it isn’t. Realization gives you the opportunity to use your skills to take control of your grief, process, learn, and heal. As I did, sometimes you need a professional to organize your tool chest. Counseling is not a weakness, rather strength. If you feel you would like help processing your grief, please let us know. We are here to help. Our grief therapists would be honored to walk with you in your journey.

Hudson (715) 386-3725 | Baldwin (715) 684-3434

Coronavirus: Stay safe and healthy

Thu, 12 Mar 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Coronavirus: Stay safe and healthy

You’re grounded. No electronics for a couple of days!

Fri, 07 Feb 2020 05:00:00 GMT

You’re grounded. No electronics for a couple of days!

2019, a year to remember and what’s up for 2020

Thu, 02 Jan 2020 05:00:00 GMT

2019, a year to remember and what’s up for 2020

Helpful advice for grieving during the Holiday season

Sun, 17 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Discover helpful advice for coping with grief during the holiday season. A funeral director shares tips for navigating loss and finding moments of peace.

Blog

The Hidden Impact of How We See Death

Ask The Funeral Director: The Hidden Impact of How We See Death

What Funeral Homes Don’t Have to Tell You… But Should

What Funeral Homes Don’t Have to Tell You… But Should

Death Is Not a Single Moment in Time | Honoring the Final Season of Life

Death Is Not a Single Moment in Time; It Is a Journey.

Ask The Funeral Director: “What About Medicare After Someone Dies?”

Ask The Funeral Director: “What About Medicare After Someone Dies?”

Ask The Funeral Director: “A Burning Question: How Does Cremation Work?”

A Burning Question: How Does Cremation Work?

Small Towns, Big Family Hearts: A Conversation with the O'Connells

Small Towns, Big Family Hearts: A Conversation with the O'Connells

Ask The Funeral Director: “Who’s Up for Some Good Comfort Food?”

Ask The Funeral Director: “Who’s Up for Some Good Comfort Food?”

Ask The Funeral Director: What I Wish You Knew About My Pain

Ask The Funeral Director: Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?

Ask The Funeral Director: “Please Don’t Say This to Your Family!”

Ask The Funeral Director: “Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?”

Ask The Funeral Director: “Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?”

Ask The Funeral Director: “Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?”

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want a Military Funeral!”

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want a Military Funeral!”

It’s All in the Jeans—Wait, I Mean Genes!

It’s All in the Jeans—Wait, I Mean Genes!

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want My Gold Teeth Taken Out!”

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want My Gold Teeth Taken Out!” ﻿

Ask The Funeral Director: To Be Present or Not—A Personal Choice

Ask The Funeral Director: To Be Present or Not—A Personal Choice

Ask The Funeral Director:How Social Security Works After Death

Ask The Funeral Director: How Social Security Works After Death

Ask The Funeral Director: Do We Need Pants If the Casket Only Shows the Upper Torso?

Ask The Funeral Director: Do We Need Pants If the Casket Only Shows the Upper Torso?

Ask The Funeral Director:Vaults, Liability, and Lawn Mowers—What You Need to Know

Ask The Funeral Director: Vaults, Liability, and Lawn Mowers—What You Need to Know ﻿

Ask The Funeral Director: Why “Well, At Least You Have Closure” Hurts

Ask The Funeral Director: Why “Well, At Least You Have Closure” Hurts ﻿

Ask The Funeral Director: Why Saying Goodbye Matters

Ask The Funeral Director: Why Saying Goodbye Matters ﻿

Ask The Funeral Director: The Changing Landscape of Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: The Changing Landscape of Funeral Homes ﻿

Ask The Funeral Director: There’s no such thing as closure

Ask The Funeral Director: There’s no such thing as closure ﻿

Ask the Funeral Director – The History of Embalming

Ask the Funeral Director – The History of Embalming ﻿

Ask the Funeral Director – Who Decides if an Autopsy is Performed and Why?

Ask the Funeral Director – Who Decides if an Autopsy is Performed and Why? ﻿

Why Are Bodies So Hard, Cold, and Darker Looking in a Casket?

Why Are Bodies So Hard, Cold, and Darker Looking in a Casket? ﻿

Ask The Funeral Director- What Are Bodies Capable of After They Die

Ask The Funeral Director- What Are Bodies Capable of After They Die ﻿

To Give or Not to Give: The Importance of Blood Donation

To Give or Not to Give: The Importance of Blood Donation ﻿

The Truth About Ordering Flowers for Funerals: Why Local Florists Matter

The Truth About Ordering Flowers for Funerals: Why Local Florists Matter ﻿

Finding the Right Words: How to Comfort Grieving Families

Finding the Right Words: How to Comfort Grieving Families ﻿

Ask The Funeral Director – Navigating Funeral Etiquette

Finding the Right Words: How to Comfort Grieving Families

Beyond Burgers and Brews: The True Meaning of Memorial Day

Beyond Burgers and Brews: The True Meaning of Memorial Day

Death and Dying in Media: Fact-Checking the Fiction

Death and Dying in Media: Fact-Checking the Fiction ﻿

Debunking Myths and Misconceptions on Hospice Care

Debunking Myths and Misconceptions on Hospice Care ﻿

Debunking Myths on Embalming & Cremation

Breaking Down Organ and Body Donation Misconceptions

Debunking Myths on Embalming & Cremation

Debunking Myths on Embalming & Cremation ﻿

The Price of Saying Goodbye: Insights from a Funeral Director

The Price of Saying Goodbye: Insights from a Funeral Director ﻿

Sacred Grounds: Unveiling the Significance of Cemeteries in the Grief Process

Sacred Grounds: Unveiling the Significance of Cemeteries in the Grief Process ﻿

Carrying the Load: Roles of Pallbearers

Carrying the Load: Roles of Pallbearers ﻿

Heartwarming Ways to Honor Your Mom This Mother’s Day

Heartwarming Ways to Honor Your Mom This Mother’s Day ﻿

Dealing With Stress, Burnout, and Compassion Fatigue

Dealing With Stress, Burnout, and Compassion Fatigue ﻿

Local Resources to Help With the Grief Journey

Ask The Funeral Director: “I Want My Gold Teeth Taken Out!”

Ask The Funeral Director: Vaults, Liability, and Lawn Mowers—What You Need to Know

Ask The Funeral Director: Why “Well, At Least You Have Closure” Hurts

Ask The Funeral Director: Why Saying Goodbye Matters

Ask The Funeral Director: The Changing Landscape of Funeral Homes

Ask The Funeral Director: There’s no such thing as closure

Ask the Funeral Director – The History of Embalming

Ask the Funeral Director – Who Decides if an Autopsy is Performed and Why?

Why Are Bodies So Hard, Cold, and Darker Looking in a Casket?

Ask The Funeral Director- What Are Bodies Capable of After They Die

To Give or Not to Give: The Importance of Blood Donation

The Truth About Ordering Flowers for Funerals: Why Local Florists Matter

Finding the Right Words: How to Comfort Grieving Families

Death and Dying in Media: Fact-Checking the Fiction

Debunking Myths and Misconceptions on Hospice Care

Debunking Myths on Embalming & Cremation

The Price of Saying Goodbye: Insights from a Funeral Director

Sacred Grounds: Unveiling the Significance of Cemeteries in the Grief Process

Carrying the Load: Roles of Pallbearers

Heartwarming Ways to Honor Your Mom This Mother’s Day

Dealing With Stress, Burnout, and Compassion Fatigue

Local Resources to Help With the Grief Journey

Honoring a Loved One through Funeral Personalization

Funeral Preplanning Expectations With Amber Miller

How We Can Help Those Who Grieve

My Health, My Decisions: A Discussion on Advance Directives with Mike O’Connell & Dr. Kirsten Severson

How Preplanning Your Funeral Can Benefit You and Your Family

Coping with Secondary Loss & Caregiver Grief

Funeral Do’s and Don’ts: Funeral Etiquette 101

How Cemeteries Make Resting in Peace Possible

Healing Through Tattoos: How Getting Body Art Can Help With Grief

The Final Say – Writing Your Own Obituary

The Holidays Can Be A Grief Trigger – Ways To Cope

Your Digital Legacy: Passwords Need A Plan

How to help a grieving friend, as well as what is NOT helpful

How Positive Affirmations Can Help The Grieving Process

3 Responses

Don’t make these funeral pre-planning mistakes

Words that capture your loved one

What age should you plan your funeral?

Put the “you” in eulogy – write your own!

Remembering Mom on Mother’s Day

Flowers for funerals – new podcast!

Pre-planning a funeral: what to know

Funeral etiquette – What to wear, what to say…

Should I donate my body to science? – new podcast

A bucket list PDF download for you

What will your legacy be?

Grief & the holidays meditation series

Are you thinking of cremation?

Cemeteries

What COVID has done to the ritual of saying goodbye.

Honoring all lives lost to overdose

Funerals should celebrate the life of our loved ones and the best funeral directors make it happen!