This heartfelt episode features a candid conversation between Mike and Emma O’Connell, father-daughter members of O’Connell Family Funeral Homes, as they reflect on legacy, loss, and growing up in a family funeral home. From prom pranks to life-shaping grief experiences, they share the emotional realities and quiet joys that come with serving others in their most tender moments.

Episode Highlights (Timestamps):

• 00:01:00 – The rich family history behind OCFH
• 00:03:00 – How funeral homes evolved from furniture makers
• 00:06:30 – The threat of corporate consolidation in funeral care
• 00:08:00 – Emma’s winding journey to joining the family business
• 00:10:55 – Memories of growing up around the funeral home
• 00:14:30 – Mike’s pride in watching Emma comfort grieving families
• 00:16:30 – Childhood stories (yes, a scooter crash is involved)
• 00:27:00 – Honoring a Pearl Harbor veteran
• 00:32:00 – How grief changed Mike after his brother’s death
• 00:35:00 – Emma’s personal take on compassion and legacy
• 00:41:30 – The values Emma hopes to pass on to the next generation

Takeaways:

• Funeral service is not just a profession, it’s a calling.
• Legacy is built one story, one act of service, and one person at a time.
• Grief, when met with community and compassion, can shape a life of meaning.
• The little moments, like scooter crashes or meatball dinners, often leave the deepest marks.
• Family-run funeral homes offer a level of personal care that corporate chains cannot replicate.

Memorable Quotes

Emma O’Connell:

• You never know what someone’s going through. That’s why compassion matters.
• Grief doesn’t scare me, it unites people.
• My job is to offer comfort in the storm.
• Church basement dinners? A core memory!

Mike O’Connell:

• Our boss is the community—we see them at church, the grocery store, the game.
• After my brother died, I realized every person deserves a personalized funeral.
• This isn’t just a job—it’s a way of life.
• The adversity of mistakes is where you actually learn.
  

Transcript

Transcript Disclaimer:

Our episodes of the Good Grief Podcast include a transcript of the episode’s audio for people who are deaf or hard of hearing, if you’d like to scan the material, or have low bandwidth. The text is the output of AI-based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record.

[00:00:00] Pete Waggoner, Host: Great podcast today. Small Towns, big Family Hearts, right here on Good Grief, and I am joined by the members of the O'Connell Family Funeral Home.

[00:00:09] Pete Waggoner, Host: We've got Mike O'Connell and Emma O'Connell, and I'm excited to have you two in here. First of all, hello Michael. Good morning. And we are missing one, Carla. Oh, Carla, correct. 

[00:00:18] Mike O'Connell: And good morning, Emma. 

[00:00:20] Emma O'Connell: Good morning. 

[00:00:21] Mike O'Connell: I have to say this because he's probably listening, but we're also missing Finnegan. It.

[00:00:24] Mike O'Connell: Okay. He's a regular on the pod, he listens to the podcast so he's what's driving up our our 

[00:00:29] Pete Waggoner, Host: grief dog? 

[00:00:29] Mike O'Connell: Yeah. Our 

[00:00:30] Pete Waggoner, Host: big numbers. Okay. Exactly. That's absolutely awesome. You know, this is a, the whole part of this that's fascinating to me is you have a really great timeline when you walk into the building and there's just, it's it says the history.

[00:00:44] Pete Waggoner, Host: And when you look at the history of this great. Business facility, community-based business. The O'Connell Family Funeral Home started back in 1926. The Model A wasn't even introduced then and [00:01:00] that is crazy, Mike, that's it 

[00:01:02] Mike O'Connell: is. It is pretty amazing that you think of it. Yeah, Carla has done amazing job at the overall feel and look and hominess, but she created that timeline that it goes back and we have a calendar from the old O'Connell funeral home back in the twenties, and it's, I mean, that's priceless.

[00:01:21] Mike O'Connell: And so that's one of my favorite parts. And in fact, Pete, the original name. It was O'Connell Furniture and Undertaking. And it, as you mentioned, started in 1926, and that was by my dad's uncle Frank O'Connell. Maybe some people knew Marty O'Connell, it was his dad. And actually Frank happened to be one of the very first graduates of the University of Minnesota Mortuary Science Program.

[00:01:46] Mike O'Connell: So that program is a hundred years old. And that's fascinating to me. You know, when you think about it the 19th century death care was largely domestic. Families and neighbors cared for their own and they prepared their body and they held [00:02:00] viewings in the home parlor. And that's why when you hear people say, would you like to go in the living room?

[00:02:06] Mike O'Connell: That's because that's not where you put the dead bodies. That was for the living. So back in the days, carpenters, furniture makers and delivery stable owners. Those with wagons and woodworking skills began providing the caskets, the carriages, and eventually they went into the full services to take care of the deceased members of the community.

[00:02:27] Mike O'Connell: That to me, is just crazy how that just evolved over time. And these tradesmen, like I mentioned, they became our first undertakers. And they were often family businesses that were passed down from the father to the son. And so as embalming viewing and public funerals became more common, families established dedicated funeral homes often in large converted residences.

[00:02:53] Mike O'Connell: So they lived upstairs and they did funerals downstairs. And my dad, he had a couple of first [00:03:00] jobs. One was he would take out the bay window in a house like the window we see here, so they could get a casket. And if it was too big for doors. Keep in mind, people were a lot smaller then, and he also embalmed people at their homes.

[00:03:15] Mike O'Connell: That to me is just bizarre. So he would do that almost on call to a degree, correct. Sure. Now, I, growing up, never saw a hammer or a screwdriver or anything like that in his hands. So for me to see him doing that just blows my mind. 

[00:03:35] Pete Waggoner, Host: So from the, a couple questions were raised on that timeline real quick.

[00:03:40] Pete Waggoner, Host: Was that a reason why, you know, people would get to burying their loved ones so quickly because. Way back. There was no such thing as embalming, we got hustle type of thing. Is that why things always seem to go so fast? And then the second question is, sorry to do that. The dual question, is that why a lot of the [00:04:00] buildings such as yours are sort of themed around homes?

[00:04:03] Pete Waggoner, Host: Absolutely. 

[00:04:04] Mike O'Connell: A yes, but then B, probably more today is you want to create that comfortable environment that feels homey to them because that's their comfort zone.

[00:04:15] Pete Waggoner, Host: Our industry is someone at a crossroads. And during COVID lost around 25% of the workforce is a strain in this industry. Correct?

[00:04:23] Mike O'Connell: That's absolutely true. And so today, now you say we're at a crossroads because today you have large box office stores like Walmart or Costco trying to cut into the work of funeral homes. It's like they, they don't get enough already. I mean, they're making billions, but that's what you see.

[00:04:40] Mike O'Connell: Whether it's gas stations, groceries, all of the commodities in a community that used to be ma pa stores are being closed because of large conglomerates. And they're trying to push funeral homes out of town. These conglomerates come in, they try to push smaller funeral homes out of town, much like we've experienced in [00:05:00] Pierce County.

[00:05:01] Mike O'Connell: So in some estimates, 35% of funeral owners will close sell or get consolidated by large corporations. In the next five or seven years. So this is really no 

[00:05:12] Pete Waggoner, Host: different than what you'd see with a hardware store or local sporting goods stores where the big boxes have pretty much come in. And then what you lose is the small town big family heart that we're talking about here, where there's connectivity.

[00:05:26] Pete Waggoner, Host: How can that possibly exist if a, if a large national corporation drops in and takes things over? It.

[00:05:36] Mike O'Connell: In the past funeral, like we talked about, caskets were made by the furniture stores, which were also the funeral homes, and that was a big portion of their profit. Today it's not it's on the services.

[00:05:51] Mike O'Connell: But the big corporations want, they have stockholders and it's all about making a dollar. In [00:06:00] fact SCI, which is probably one of the largest, if not the largest chain of corporate funeral homes in the country, is publicly traded on Wall Street. What do you think that means for families? They're gonna get taken advantage of at times, and so our boss is the community.

[00:06:18] Mike O'Connell: We have to see them at church, we have to see them at the game. We have to see them at the grocery store, and so we have to make sure that our services equal that. 

[00:06:27] Pete Waggoner, Host: Emma, let's turn our attentions to you. I'm gonna ask you a few questions here, but first I wanna ask you a little bit about. What got you saying, yeah, you know what, I'm gonna do this.

[00:06:37] Pete Waggoner, Host: Was this just something where it was just a rite of passage or did you have to kind of think it through? How'd that work for you? 

[00:06:44] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. That's a great question. It's actually probably not what most people think, you know, in the last what we were talking about with those funeral homes back in the day where the father passed it down to the son wasn't necessarily my path, I got outta high school and I was really [00:07:00] interested in psychology, so I went to the University of Stout in Menominee and started there. Started practicing and studying psychology and made that through for about a year. Something wasn't clicking though. And looking back, you know, at that time I didn't know for sure what it was, but just something wasn't clicking for me.

[00:07:18] Emma O'Connell: And I moved forward, kind of did my own thing for a while. Went ahead and tried out interior design too. Kind of with both of those paths. Not very you know, related, but you're working with people. So I found that trend that I was really liking to work with people, whether it was picking up a server job or, you know, going to school for psychology or interior design.

[00:07:38] Emma O'Connell: And when, you know, that wasn't clicking too, I was kind of thinking to myself, you know, what the heck, like all my friends are starting to get their lives and what they want to do in order, and I was still kind of wondering what my path was. And it just so happened that it kind of was something where.

[00:07:54] Emma O'Connell: I could come here and I could help out the directors, maybe, you know, get some things done for them that they didn't [00:08:00] have time in their schedule for. And eventually, you know, after a month or so, it kind of just became a regular nine to five schedule. And for a long time I just kind of was a helping hand around the funeral home.

[00:08:12] Emma O'Connell: And that's where I started to wonder, you know, is this where I want to be? And, you know, where do I fit in? And eventually I started doing pre-planning and guiding families through the process of planning beforehand. And that was something I really loved and it's clicking for me and I really love working with people, offering them that comfort.

[00:08:32] Emma O'Connell: And it wasn't, you know, the easiest road, but it's a very rewarding one. So I'm glad that I've. Ended up here. 

[00:08:38] Pete Waggoner, Host: Were you surprised? 

[00:08:39] Emma O'Connell: Yes. I was so surprised because over the years I always just joked that I was never gonna work at the funeral home just because I didn't see myself as your, you know, all the requirements to be a funeral director.

[00:08:53] Emma O'Connell: I didn't see myself in that position, but little did I know that there are so many working parts of a funeral home, and you don't have to [00:09:00] be the person that does the embalming and does. The, late night calls, you can also find something that fits well with you. And that's the part where I get to work with people and families.

[00:09:09] Pete Waggoner, Host: So what would you say your, if there is a defined role, what would you say that is here? 

[00:09:15] Emma O'Connell: I am a pre-planning specialist. So I studied through the state of Wisconsin my insurance license. So I am a licensed insurance agent with the state of Wisconsin. Which allows me to chat with people about their costs and how to do payment plans, as well as, just the compassionate part of offering my condolences and services to them.

[00:09:38] Emma O'Connell: During the process, 

[00:09:40] Pete Waggoner, Host: you've got a real level demeanor about yourself and personality, warm, engaging, and. You couldn't have a better front facing person than Emma. I mean, she's terrific. Thank you. Really good. Much better than my face. Of course. You could find a way. That's great. What was it like though [00:10:00] when I said, were you surprised, obviously you grew up with a father who's a funeral director.

[00:10:05] Pete Waggoner, Host: What was that like and did you have preconceived concepts of what it really would be? 

[00:10:10] Emma O'Connell: It was my normal everyday life. I mean, my dad and my grandpa and dating back to Frank O'Connell. This has been in our family for a long time. And so for me, the funeral home was natural my whole life. People talk about being scared and, you know, going in the funeral home and it's all dark and dreary, but for me it was just another place where we, stopped by and had to do some work or, helped out where I could.

[00:10:35] Emma O'Connell: But yeah, it was. Very natural. It was pretty, 

[00:10:37] Mike O'Connell: Emma was always a good sport because she got drug along too. I would imagine it's in the hundreds. How many meatball dinners? How many fall festivals? How many, oh, can I tell you though? What do you mean? Churches on these events. Yeah, because you gotta do, yeah, 

[00:10:53] Emma O'Connell: because you gotta show up.

[00:10:53] Emma O'Connell: You know, you gotta say, Hey, we're here. I remember 

[00:10:55] Mike O'Connell: one. The corporations aren't gonna do that, by the way. No, I remember one guy going up to my dad [00:11:00] and saying I bet you won't be doing this long. And he is what are you talking about? You're just doing this to, you know, then you'll probably just quit doing them and No, that wasn't the case.

[00:11:08] Mike O'Connell: We still go. Why do you 

[00:11:09] Mike O'Connell: think that he said that? 

[00:11:11] Mike O'Connell: I think he was just more being confrontational or being sarcastic, but. If he knew our family, and this is what we do, we're just active in the community. And I'll say not because we feel like we have to, it's 'cause we enjoy it. 

[00:11:22] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. It's, it has carried over.

[00:11:24] Emma O'Connell: Just as we're talking now, I'm gonna put it out there for everybody. Coming up in a couple weekends, I've been counting down the days until the Scandinavian food fest at the Lutheran church here in Hudson. So yeah, that was your favorite. It is something that, you know maybe it felt like you were dragging me there, but one of my favorite meals is a church basement meal.

[00:11:42] Emma O'Connell: So right there you are. So there you go. 

[00:11:44] Mike O'Connell: Okay. And Carla always liked the, the Turkey mashed potatoes or the beef and the bread and the gravy over it.

[00:11:51] Mike O'Connell: That was her go-to, or the Oh, yeah. Harvest dinner out. Rush River Lutheran. I mean, how 

[00:11:55] Pete Waggoner, Host: do you ever go wrong there? You kind of, that's good old comfort for me. No, you can't go

[00:12:00] wrong,

[00:12:00] Pete Waggoner, Host: Emma, what's your earliest memory that you can recall being here? At the funeral home? 

[00:12:05] Emma O'Connell: Oh, that's a tough one. Because truly my memories just date back to me, running around, being there. One thing I specifically remember was back when the funeral home in Baldwin wasn't remodeled and rebuilt there was a kind of fenced in like wheelchair.

[00:12:26] Emma O'Connell: Entrance to the back of the building and I remember always running up and down that and playing on that back ramp. That was your thing. Ramp That was your thing? Yeah. Yeah, that was kind of my thing. And years later when the funeral home was then remodeled. A funny memory that might not be.

[00:12:41] Emma O'Connell: My first was we moved all the furniture out of the chapel area and I practiced how to ride my electric scooter. And if you look really close, if you look really close, there might be an Emma sized dent in the wall somewhere. Yeah. Seriously. Oh yeah. Oh, she went hill vent 

[00:12:57] Pete Waggoner, Host: right into the wall. Into 

[00:12:59] Emma O'Connell: the wall. [00:13:00] No 

[00:13:00] Pete Waggoner, Host: different than falling on your head a few years prior.

[00:13:02] Pete Waggoner, Host: Yeah. That's 

[00:13:03] Emma O'Connell: another one. That's my first incident was, you know, when I was a baby, she was swaddled. Yeah. 

[00:13:06] Mike O'Connell: And she was just a newborn. She was swaddled, I think Carla was cleaning and we looked over and, you know, she was swaddled. But she wiggled until she fell off and landed on her noggin from the couch.

[00:13:19] Mike O'Connell: Carla thought she. Probably had traumatic brain injury. Panic, panicked. We gotta go to the er. Oh, I'm good. Luckily my paramedic skills, I just said she's fine. We checked her over, but from that, she never rode that scooter again. It's true. Oh, you retired it. Oh my lord. Retired the scooter. Yeah, I needed, I retired 

[00:13:37] Emma O'Connell: the scooter.

[00:13:37] Emma O'Connell: But 

[00:13:38] Emma O'Connell: you know, all memories 

[00:13:39] Mike O'Connell: come. It's true. They're great. There are some great ones. Mike, what's we also found out that. She was gonna be in a America's Got Talent because she would jump on the PA system and sing. 

[00:13:49] Pete Waggoner, Host: Oh, you can sing. 

[00:13:51] Emma O'Connell: Wow. They think I can sing maybe. I bet you can. I did. I figured out how to turn that microphone on and there was no peace after that.

[00:13:59] Emma O'Connell: So what are you ing? [00:14:00] Oh, I'm sure back then it was Hannah Montana or something like that. Okay. Yeah. 

[00:14:04] Mike O'Connell: It wasn't Taylor Swift back then, was it? No, it was, no, Hannah Montana was kind of the thing. Yeah, she was. Yeah. That was your vintage for sure. That was my, yeah. Mike, what's 

[00:14:13] Pete Waggoner, Host: it like to work with a family 

[00:14:14] Mike O'Connell: member?

[00:14:15] Mike O'Connell: It is beyond words. I love it. Finnegan has been just a great addition to the staff. 

[00:14:21] Emma O'Connell: Oh, nice. Yeah. Finnegan, our grief therapy dog. 

[00:14:26] Mike O'Connell: Yeah, not me. Isn't that what you were asking, Pete? I'm sorry. I mean, I'm being honest, but No, Emma, I remember standing in the office and she was just helping, but she was talking to a family and I remember clearly where I was standing and I looked and I'm like, where did she get that?

[00:14:44] Mike O'Connell: The ability to talk to a family like that? ' cause it was a difficult conversation. I remember it and I was like, holy man. And I just first thought.

[00:14:57] Mike O'Connell: Grandpa Tom would love that.

[00:14:59] Mike O'Connell: How proud were [00:15:00] you?

[00:15:03] Would you mean to say I was very proud? 

[00:15:04] Mike O'Connell: Words beyond words? Yes. I was very proud and I knew she had a gift that was beyond what. I even had, or grandpa had, and it was just amazing to watch. Truly amazing. 

[00:15:17] Pete Waggoner, Host: I am a stiff dude. And you even made me emotional. You're like, I got a watery eyed. Wow. I mean, you know, I, it is really amazing when you can see someone, Mike, that has a gift, right?

[00:15:29] Pete Waggoner, Host: And you're saying, wow, I'm really glad they worked for me. This is so cool. But it must be really something when it's your own. Oh my gosh. Is how proud. So how about 

[00:15:39] Mike O'Connell: that? 

[00:15:41] Emma O'Connell: Yes. Guys, you have a gift. Yeah. Thank you. To think of, you 

[00:15:43] Mike O'Connell: think of, you know, taking headers into the wall and rolling off couches and to become such a gifted speaker is just, 'cause I'm still remember her saying you know, what was it?

[00:15:53] Mike O'Connell: You wouldn't say Cardinal, you'd say. Carnival. 

[00:15:56] Emma O'Connell: Carnival, yeah. Awesome. And I mean, 

[00:15:58] Mike O'Connell: that's that little girl and all of a sudden she's [00:16:00] this woman that is just capturing the hearts of people here. It just, it's fascinating. That's 

[00:16:05] Pete Waggoner, Host: awesome. I got a couple questions for you now, Emma. 

[00:16:07] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. 

[00:16:08] Pete Waggoner, Host: What was it like growing up with your friends?

[00:16:13] Pete Waggoner, Host: I mean, were they like, nah, business is usual, or were they like. Different. 

[00:16:18] Emma O'Connell: Yeah, that's, I would say my close knit friend group. They almost, kind of grew up with me where they knew my family. One of the big things about, hanging out with friends as I grew up is my parents like to know them, know their families.

[00:16:32] Emma O'Connell: So really I think from the start they knew what it was all about 'cause we just grew up together. But as far as us. School went. There were a couple times that people were pretty curious and, asked me, have you seen a dead body? And I've said one. And they just would lose it, you know, they just thought that was the craziest thing they went as far as to, ask me if, the crematory doubles as a baking oven.

[00:16:57] Emma O'Connell: So it, I got all the questions in the [00:17:00] world from kids at school, but as far as friends go nobody ever really made me feel weird about it. It was kind of a. Even as a, as young kids, we kinda had the respect for that. 

[00:17:10] Mike O'Connell: And some of them were running around the funeral home too, as your friends, right?

[00:17:13] Mike O'Connell: Yeah. Some us were. I do remember though, you coming and being really sad or even in tears because some boys or something said your dad deals with dead people and you know, as a little girl that didn't really know the whole picture. The meaning and the difference we make. That was hard on you.

[00:17:31] Mike O'Connell: And so that, yeah, in turn was hard on me 'cause I can't, I couldn't protect you. 

[00:17:35] Emma O'Connell: I would say there were some kids out there, but as far as friends, I found the good ones.

[00:17:39] Mike O'Connell: Yeah. And there's I have to tell the story too because her friends knew I like to have fun.

[00:17:45] Mike O'Connell: So her first prom date, they were going as friends. And so I said, Emma's not quite ready yet. But here, have a seat at the table. Oh, and 

[00:17:57]: where were you? She's getting ready. I 

[00:17:58] Emma O'Connell: was truly getting ready. [00:18:00] Yes. Could you hear 

[00:18:00] Pete Waggoner, Host: this? 

[00:18:01] Emma O'Connell: No, actually I had no clue what was going on. I didn't tell her. Okay. Sit.

[00:18:05] Pete Waggoner, Host: No, but I like down the hall or down. So you didn't know this has 

[00:18:08] Mike O'Connell: happened? No. 

[00:18:08] Emma O'Connell: Okay. 

[00:18:09] Mike O'Connell: So I said, here have a seat. Let's sit down and talk. And right in the middle of the table, I had an urn. Oh yeah. And was it empty? Yeah. Okay. So he would look and I said, oh, are you're looking at this? Are you wondering what it is?

[00:18:26] Mike O'Connell: Kind of. I'm like, oh, that was just the last kid that asked her to prom. Oh no. Yeah. And he laughed and he goes, oh, my dad warned me about you. He did. So he did something shotgun. I do earns. So good. So good. Yeah. 

[00:18:41] Pete Waggoner, Host: I think they earns scarier. Speaking of which, were you ever scared of this place?

[00:18:46] Pete Waggoner, Host: Was there ever a time where you're like, oh, 

[00:18:48] Emma O'Connell: I have to be honest not very often have there been times, but there have been a few times growing up where, you gotta put your dues in and do your chores for the week. My allowance wasn't quite [00:19:00] doing 'em all at home. It was helping out around the funeral home here and there.

[00:19:03] Emma O'Connell: When I would have to help clean up after a late service dark outside, and you're in there all by yourself, I would say I didn't love that. Yeah. But I've never it's just that uneasy feeling. I've never had a moment where I was truly scared to be here. I, I don't believe that all of that

[00:19:22] Emma O'Connell: hoopla that people talk about is all as scary as we think it is. So I think it's more of a peaceful place. Rather than getting scared, she was kind of 

[00:19:31] Mike O'Connell: an entrepreneur, Pete, I mean, and kind of ran a scam on the side. Love that. Oh my gosh. A 

[00:19:36] Emma O'Connell: scam. 

[00:19:37] Mike O'Connell: You would work for five minutes and demand 20 bucks.

[00:19:41] Emma O'Connell: I mean, I did the best I could with what I had. 

[00:19:44] Mike O'Connell: But your 

[00:19:44] Pete Waggoner, Host: work was running around in circles and you getting to work, so you're oh no, but that's an art if you can look busy. 

[00:19:52] Emma O'Connell: Oh yeah. That is an 

[00:19:53] Pete Waggoner, Host: art. 

[00:19:53] Emma O'Connell: And that's tiring in itself. That's 20 bucks. And that's an art that's 20 bucks right out the shoot.

[00:19:58] Emma O'Connell: It's, oh yeah. 

[00:19:58] Pete Waggoner, Host: When you [00:20:00] you, I want to step back into the whole process of. You do see a dead body, and I think for people that aren't near it. And before I go on that, what you really basically were saying a few seconds ago was really anything is what you make of it.

[00:20:15] Emma O'Connell: Right. 

[00:20:15] Pete Waggoner, Host: And if you get in your mind, you can say, this is good or this is not, this is scary. This is, and so you whole world is that this is perfectly a peaceful place. That's wonderful. I 

[00:20:25] Mike O'Connell: remember her coming up and she would walk up to the casket. And say, oh, is she a grandma? Like she is?

[00:20:34] Mike O'Connell: Oh, she looks so pretty. 

[00:20:36] How'd she die? 

[00:20:37] Mike O'Connell: And she'd ask these questions. And then, how old? How old is she? Oh boy. Eight, 10. Or maybe it was last week. Okay. Yeah. 

[00:20:47] Emma O'Connell: So and then that, 

[00:20:48] Mike O'Connell: and then that little turd on the flip side of that. Would come up, look at the body and say you're not done with them, are ya. And I'm like, oh my Lord, what do you, I had, she was a 

[00:20:59] Pete Waggoner, Host: critic at eight.

[00:20:59] Pete Waggoner, Host: [00:21:00] Now you're looking for more. Yeah, yeah.

[00:21:01] Emma O'Connell: I guess no more aggressive. 

[00:21:21] Pete Waggoner, Host: What's it like to work with your mom and dad? 

[00:21:23] Emma O'Connell: It's honestly great if I just had to use one word. A lot of people, I think, have these preconceived notions of working with your family that, you're gonna bicker, you know, relationships might change.

[00:21:36] Emma O'Connell: But honestly, I've really loved working with both of my parents. Just kind of having them both as mentors has been very helpful. I grew up in a home where, ask all the questions, don't feel embarrassed or anything to, wonder what things are all about. So I just haven't really had a moment where I didn't think I could ask for help or, go to them for [00:22:00] advice.

[00:22:00] Emma O'Connell: But mostly, I mean, I kind of do my own thing here, don't I? So really, I create my own schedule. I let people know when I'm available. And so I think we work really well in our own ways. We don't let 

[00:22:13] Mike O'Connell: her use scooters anymore. Yeah, I'm no longer 

[00:22:16] Emma O'Connell: allowed scooters in the funeral, but first customer wear helmet.

[00:22:18] Mike O'Connell: But you used the word mostly, and I wanna make sure we really address it too, honestly, that there's times too that you want to scratch my eyeballs out. I mean, let's be honest, there's times where you're really frustrated with me and you're mad. I've done something that has hurt you or crossed a boundary, or whatever it may be, and it's not always peaches and cream. And I remember somebody come up to me and asking me, oh, what would it be like if your brother was here? Huh? And I'm if Dan was here what would you do? I said, we'd argue about who's on call tonight. Yeah. And they looked at me. I'm like, it's, that's the reality is you have a family.

[00:22:51] Mike O'Connell: So when you have closeness like that, you're gonna be more vulnerable. But also probably more on the spectrum of [00:23:00] when you're gonna be mad, you're gonna be mad more versus. A coworker where you might be a little more hesitant on really opening up. You can go separate ways. Yeah. Yes. You know, and in your instance, maybe, you can't.

[00:23:10] Mike O'Connell: And I remember too when Dan and I, and dad, the three of us or the two of whatever, it could, you could be super upset with them, like teed off. And then are you coming over for dinner later? Yeah. And then you'd have to just kinda let it go. Not as a, that's actually a good thing though. It is, but it's also, I found out probably not the healthiest because you just, you don't talk about it.

[00:23:36] Mike O'Connell: Yeah, that's right. But not talking about it doesn't work either but it is a challenge to be open, vulnerable, the highs and lows, and then switch gears. I remember my dad talking about this. Switch gears then to say, okay. We're not coworkers right now. We're dad and daughter. 

[00:23:54] Mike O'Connell: We're husband and wife.

[00:23:56] Mike O'Connell: We're mom and daughter because you gotta have that separation [00:24:00] from church and state.

[00:24:00] Pete Waggoner, Host: When you look at the setup, are there things from your father. That you say, I'm gonna professionally, that you say, oh, I like that, that you sort of emulate. And then same thing for your mother.

[00:24:14] Pete Waggoner, Host: Are there certain things you grab from the two of them? 

[00:24:16] Emma O'Connell: Oh, absolutely. I wouldn't know. And be who I am without their guidance. So there are definitely things that I've taken away with how they work with people, how they, put all their all into the business. So yeah, I would say that I've definitely taken some things away.

[00:24:33] Emma O'Connell: I also, on the other hand, would say that I might have learned from some mistakes as well, so it's definitely a good 50 50 of taking some of their traits and. Molding them to who I am. And then also learning past, mistakes and knowing to go forward in a different mindset. 

[00:24:52] Mike O'Connell: I definitely agree with that a hundred percent.

[00:24:54] Mike O'Connell: You, you learn more from your mistakes than you do the good times. For sure. 'cause the adversity of mistakes is where you [00:25:00] actually learn that you want to try something different. Because that didn't work out the way you wanted it to. Yeah. And aren't the good 

[00:25:05] Pete Waggoner, Host: times kind of, quote validating, you know?

[00:25:07] Pete Waggoner, Host: Yeah. And that's good, but the mistakes then come back and say. Ooh. I'm not gonna have that happen again. We can do that better. And I think that's the best part. If you're able to, as a person to accept your faith, accept that. Yes, of course. That's the hard part for a lot of people.

[00:25:21] Pete Waggoner, Host: I think so. But the health here at this table is very impressive, so this is great. Yeah. What are some of the best memories you have from growing up here? 

[00:25:31] Emma O'Connell: Oh. Best memories I've had growing up here. First thing that comes to your mind, boom. What 

[00:25:36] Pete Waggoner, Host: is it? 

[00:25:36] Emma O'Connell: Boom. If we thought about the first thing I remember, there was one time that he was, my dad was in a dunk tank and we got to throw the ball at the dunk tank.

[00:25:46] Emma O'Connell: And that just is what I am thinking of right off the bat. 'cause who doesn't love to see their dad going tank? That's phenomenal. You, 

[00:25:51] Mike O'Connell: you know how those work, Pete, right? There's the it's got an arm to the side. Yeah. She kept throwing at the cage. And I was like, you know, you're throwing at me. You [00:26:00] know, I'm like, were you throwing at the gauge?

[00:26:01] Emma O'Connell: Let's just say go for the button. That over the years, which is a totally conversation for a different time, but my aim is not good. And we've always joined. I 

[00:26:09] Mike O'Connell: I thought she was going for a headshot though. I really did. Did you rock punch it? I fight. Okay. Yeah, for sure. I remember a time that we laugh about it now, but we all know I was a paramedic.

[00:26:21] Mike O'Connell: And I retired after Dan was killed. But we went to a church dinner and there was a guy behind us that was choking. 

[00:26:30] Emma O'Connell: Oh yeah. None of those famous church dinners. 

[00:26:33] Mike O'Connell: I had my back to him. I had my back to him and she's dad. Help him. I'm like, help who? You know, 'cause hide my back to him. I couldn't see him.

[00:26:43] Mike O'Connell: And so she's good help, help him. My God, do something. And I'm like, do something for what? And finally I turned around and by the time I got to him, he had coughed it up, but she's God, were you that way when you were a paramedic? My God man. Do you remember that? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. A [00:27:00] dth. Did you forget God, that's hilarious.

[00:27:02] Mike O'Connell: But yeah, there's a lot of. Sad at difficult times in this business, but there's also that black humor that you know, what's behind the scenes that you laugh at, that maybe the right general public would go, woo, that's kind of odd, but that's what gets you through some of those times is you can laugh at it, especially later.

[00:27:20] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. We do have a lot of laughs here, there, there are definitely, moments for, the solitude and just, the quietness and letting people feel what they're feeling. But there's also moments to enjoy it. Like I had mentioned that dunk tank, I think was a fundraiser, that we had put on.

[00:27:36] Emma O'Connell: So there are moments that we have that are really cool, really beautiful moments. One that is also kind of popping into my head is we've been involved in retrieving some of the remains of someone that passed away in the Pearl Harbor Battle. So we actually got to drive the hearse out onto the tarmac.

[00:27:56] Emma O'Connell: Is that what you call that? Yep. Yeah. And the plane landed, they had a [00:28:00] whole ceremony. I got to photograph this, I think I was maybe the young 16. 

[00:28:05] Mike O'Connell: Yeah. 

[00:28:06] Mike O'Connell: And it was one of the coolest experiences that I know a lot of other people will not be able to experience something like that. So it was an amazing learning experience.

[00:28:16] Mike O'Connell: And all there though, there are. Somber times. There's a lot of learning experiences as well as, really heartwarming experiences too, to see that man return to his family after how many years. Beautiful to see. So 

[00:28:30] Mike O'Connell: he was one that they found in one of the ships really. And so they had called us and said, we're gonna send back what remains we have.

[00:28:38] Mike O'Connell: And I thought, you're right. No one will get to see this. And I just thought, this is a huge. Learning experience to understand that these people gave their lives and how serious it is when the military, takes 'em some 70 years later, like it happened yesterday. And that's so impressive. And how [00:29:00] serious they were.

[00:29:00] Mike O'Connell: Yeah I knew that would be forever engraved in her head. 

[00:29:04] Emma O'Connell: Oh yeah. Top memory of my life, for sure. 

[00:29:06] Pete Waggoner, Host: Wow. So in that regard, how has this whole experience growing up. Shaped who you are today, Emma. 

[00:29:15] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. What a loaded question. No pressure. Anything. Let's go. Okay. I would say I definitely think I learned a lot of my skills of, being there, comforting people does come from growing up in this industry.

[00:29:28] Emma O'Connell: Just, never really seen death as a scary thing, but more of a let's get the community together. Let's support, let's grieve together. That's not scary to me. So I think that growing up surrounded by that has allowed me to have that, comfort in the storm when everybody else doesn't know what to think.

[00:29:46] Emma O'Connell: So I would say that it definitely has shaped me into somebody who knows a lot about the grief journey. Compassion and just really how to talk them through that. 

[00:29:56] Mike O'Connell: You were unfortunately with me [00:30:00] as we pulled up to the funeral home when Uncle Dan was killed. 

[00:30:04] Mike O'Connell: Right? 

[00:30:04] Mike O'Connell: And so you experienced the fallout of that.

[00:30:09] Mike O'Connell: And what I mean by that is he was your godfather. But when that kinda grief, that complicated grief hits, I was in a fog for many years. And so she had to endure that, and I have regrets on that. 

[00:30:24] Emma O'Connell: Those are the moments too that we look back and that absolutely shaped me. I was about two years old when that happened. You could look back and say, I don't remember a thing. It's two years old. But that definitely has shaped all of us. I think that people forget that we're people too, and we don't just help deal with your passings.

[00:30:43] Emma O'Connell: We do have our own. And so to have that intertwined with seeing other people's grief. While seeing our own and recently having a passing of my own, I think that has brought me even closer to people because it is something that really does shape you. And [00:31:00] to have the proper tools to really start is really important in my, you were a little 

[00:31:04] Mike O'Connell: grief therapist when you were five.

[00:31:08] Mike O'Connell: I mean, in the idea that I'd say, come on em, let's go downstairs. We're gonna watch Uncle Dan's video. And you'd say, you want to cry? I'm like, I do. And we watched the video. Yeah. On the couch with the dogs. 

[00:31:22] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. I think I would come up and I would give you the phone too, and I would say that you had a special call from Heaven.

[00:31:28] Emma O'Connell: Yeah, you 

[00:31:28] Emma O'Connell: did? 

[00:31:29] Emma O'Connell: Oh yeah. Oh, I didn't, I don't think I really understood that Heaven was a completely different place. But that, you know, but you knew it was 

[00:31:36] Pete Waggoner, Host: a good place. I 

[00:31:37] Emma O'Connell: knew it was a good place. Yeah. And I knew that I had family there. And that kind of goes back to your question of, are you ever scared when you're in here?

[00:31:43] Emma O'Connell: Was it. Scary as it normal. Walking in here and knowing that I have my uncle's spirit with me at all times is a super huge comfort, 

[00:31:53] Pete Waggoner, Host: right? You can feel that. 

[00:31:55] Emma O'Connell: Oh yeah. 

[00:31:56] Pete Waggoner, Host: I mean, you can feel that in here. 

[00:31:57] Emma O'Connell: Absolutely, I do. Yeah, for [00:32:00] sure. When 

[00:32:00] Pete Waggoner, Host: you're aware of it 

[00:32:01] Emma O'Connell: and it allows us to really understand, other feelings that enter.

[00:32:07] Emma O'Connell: This building. 

[00:32:08] Pete Waggoner, Host: So now before we get back to your next question, Emma, do I go here, Mike, and ask you, or if you want to decline, that's fine. How has this business and journey shaped you? Me, myself? Yeah. No, same question that I asked Emma. Okay. So we went fourth generation 

[00:32:27] Mike O'Connell: going to the third.

[00:32:28] Mike O'Connell: Okay. I always said I thought I was good at what I did before Dan was killed. I thought I understood it. But when Dan was killed, that's when I really got going on personalized funerals. 'cause I did his funeral and we had over 2000, probably 5,000 at the visitation. Oh my word. But I did everything I could to honor him.

[00:32:55] Mike O'Connell: From 100 fire EMS police cars. And one helicopter [00:33:00] that did a flyover, 'cause he was a flight medic. And so it was after that, I'm like, why aren't people doing this? You don't have to be a, military, you don't have to be a policeman or firemen. Everybody's got their story. And that just drove me to.

[00:33:19] Mike O'Connell: To want to get that story told. Yeah, and so again, I thought I was good at what I did, but I understood what empathy was. Then I probably knew what sympathy was, feeling bad for somebody, but empathy is when you can feel that pain with them. But I think that's what truly transformed me was that I could say, yeah, I know what that's like.

[00:33:45] Mike O'Connell: I remember the pain of it and. And I had lived with a policeman for a while when I was single. And he was a sergeant at the time and he was following me and he's we're gonna be this , for lunch. I said, I don't know. How about this afternoon or dinner? I'm like, I don't [00:34:00] know. I don't know where I'm gonna be.

[00:34:01] Mike O'Connell: Why? And he goes, Mike, two people were killed. And I said, I remember clearly. I said, I don't care. They can take me too. And he goes, I know. That's why I'm following you. Wow. So I think all that said and done, I get the pain when somebody's lost somebody young or traumatic or they die by suicide. And so I can feel that pain.

[00:34:24] Mike O'Connell: 'cause I remember it very vividly and I can talk about it at times. It's like a minefield and yet I can talk about it fine, but then all of a sudden something triggers it. I'm in tears. And that's grief. 

[00:34:37] Mike O'Connell: Geez, it's been 23 years and. Yeah. Sitting here talking to him about it. Yeah. 

[00:34:43] Pete Waggoner, Host: One of the things we talk about a lot I know when we got to the, we do the holiday one a lot.

[00:34:49] Pete Waggoner, Host: It's, you know, one thing that sticks out to me is you say it doesn't know a timeline and there are certain moments in times and it's okay and you're the one [00:35:00] that is very clear about that. What's sad about 

[00:35:03] Mike O'Connell: it is that society. Remembers Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays. But for us that grieve, it's every day.

[00:35:14] Mike O'Connell: It's today, tomorrow. It doesn't matter if it's the 25th on December. Yeah, the 26th still sucks too, and so does the 27th. And so I think that's what, you know when people move from that grief and do the grief work, that's what, it doesn't sit there every day and remind you and kick you in the stomach.

[00:35:33] Pete Waggoner, Host: You, Emma, 

[00:35:34] Mike O'Connell: showed 

[00:35:34] Pete Waggoner, Host: compassion to your father when you were five. It's part of what you do. How is compassion a part of your life and how have you learned it over the years? 

[00:35:45] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. I think my relationships have brought me compassion. I think that just growing as a family outside of the funeral home I think that we.

[00:35:58] Emma O'Connell: Have had a lot of compassion for [00:36:00] each other through this, grief journey. Like we've said, that doesn't end. There's still days that we're talking about the aftermath of Dan passing away. I think that was a big part especially in the last few years of confronting those deep pains of grief.

[00:36:15] Emma O'Connell: And knowing that, having that compassion and knowing that, my dad isn't just a funeral director. He has had his own loss. In my own life I've had avenues in personal relationships where I've seen, family members, sick, family members passing away. And to have it be that close to home has really.

[00:36:36] Emma O'Connell: Allowed me to see that, , it's kind of easy to give compassion to the person who gives me a call and says they wanna sit down and talk about their funeral service. I mean, that's not that hard. But to really, truly learn genuine compassion and, wishing you could take the pain away from the people that you love the most.

[00:36:55] Emma O'Connell: Has made me think to myself that somebody that I'm having at an appointment [00:37:00] time has the same family members that care about them and what they may feel like. So I put myself in those family shoes and say, I wish I could take the pain away from this person that I love, or that person that I love.

[00:37:13] Emma O'Connell: I carry that into appointments with me so that, I can have that same genuine compassion. 'cause it's easy to give out compassion and, put on that mask, but to genuinely care about somebody. 

[00:37:24] Pete Waggoner, Host: So have you learned some of that from like standing. Like looking on from afar watching your dad or Grandpa Tom work?

[00:37:31] Emma O'Connell: Absolutely. Yeah. I think a big thing that popped out for me was even when grandpa went into the nursing home here in Hudson he still was, calling up dad, bugging him to bring him to people's funeral services, not even to work. But to be there to show them that he still cared and that he might not be the front face anymore.

[00:37:54] Emma O'Connell: But he will be there and he will see it through. And so that really taught me [00:38:00] something. To be present. There's been, a few clients of mine that, their prearrangements have come. The time has come and I get to know their families or I, stop by their service.

[00:38:11] Emma O'Connell: And so I think that's definitely a big lesson that I learned from my grandpa Tom? And same. I think that my dad's learned that from him too, because he does the same thing and I think that you know him, my dad. Saying that he really, wanted to make sure that personalized services were, there for people.

[00:38:30] Emma O'Connell: That's also really helped me. So I think those two have definitely taught me a lot. 

[00:38:35] Pete Waggoner, Host: It's almost like that's a mission and in a way, and it's shaped what makes this place special, 

[00:38:44] Mike O'Connell: I guess. People talk to me like, you know, so call me anytime. And they're like I'm not gonna, I said, this isn't a job, it's a calling.

[00:38:51] Mike O'Connell: It's a way of life. It's a way of life. Yeah. And Emma grew up with that, helped set flowers up, set visitations up with memorabilia, and [00:39:00] it just became a second nature 

[00:39:02] Pete Waggoner, Host: to her. 

[00:39:02] Pete Waggoner, Host: What would you tell someone about what your family does, who doesn't understand? How do you quantify that? 

[00:39:09] Emma O'Connell: Can you yeah, that's a pretty loaded question.

[00:39:13] Emma O'Connell: Where. It's the simple answer is, yeah, we do work on people who've passed away and we give a celebration for their family. Sure. That's the simple thing. But I think deeper for us, what it really is honoring somebody's life. I mean, there's a huge hold on the word honor for me. We're here to honor somebody's life and, celebrate them in the way that they and their family.

[00:39:38] Emma O'Connell: Would want them celebrated, whether that's having a helicopter fly over or having ball markers for golf in a little bowl that's personalized to take on your next golf trip, you know? Yeah. Big or small, I think that. That's what we do 

[00:39:54] Mike O'Connell: is we, your yours would have be having the Jonas Brothers sing at your funeral, wouldn't it?

[00:39:58] Mike O'Connell: Oh, 

[00:39:59] Emma O'Connell: Maybe [00:40:00] back about 15 years ago.

[00:40:01] Pete Waggoner, Host: So what about the, what a poster in your room. What about the new tour? Aren't you, haven't you been there? Or are you gonna go? Oh my gosh I've 

[00:40:07] Emma O'Connell: heard that they've rekindled, I might have to dabble in her music again. Oh, how many car 

[00:40:12] Mike O'Connell: rubs she had growing up.

[00:40:13] Emma O'Connell: Okay. Okay, so tell us who else. Oh gosh. I mean high school musicals Zach Effron, that's where it all started. I mean that's like 

[00:40:22] Pete Waggoner, Host: for sure that's like a right. Do you wanna know a funny story? 

[00:40:24] Emma O'Connell: That's where it all started. 

[00:40:25] Mike O'Connell: Do you wanna know a funny story? 

[00:40:27] Emma O'Connell: I don't know if I wanna know.

[00:40:28] Emma O'Connell: We're in the car 

[00:40:29] Mike O'Connell: and I'm on the phone and I say goodbye and Emma's

[00:40:34] Emma O'Connell: who is that 

[00:40:34] Mike O'Connell: Dad? I'm like, Carrie Underwood. What? I'm like, I used to date her. What? And she was like 

[00:40:44] Emma O'Connell: convinced. Oh my gosh. 

[00:40:45] Mike O'Connell: Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. 

[00:40:46] Emma O'Connell: For years of my life, I thought my dad's first girlfriend was Carrie under. Are you serious?

[00:40:50] Emma O'Connell: Yes. 

[00:40:50] Pete Waggoner, Host: Oh, that's amazing. How long did you pull that one off for? Oh, not that. 

[00:40:54] Mike O'Connell: Okay. About last week. Okay. No way. 

[00:40:57] Emma O'Connell: No way. So funny. No, it 

[00:40:58] Mike O'Connell: was, I had this little [00:41:00] recorder back in the day before phones and all that when I would take notes and she would take that and. She would just be a news anchor and all these stories, pretty much my 

[00:41:08] Mike O'Connell: podcasts.

[00:41:09] Mike O'Connell: So did you actually She was, there's my podcast background. I am a pro in this. 

[00:41:14] Pete Waggoner, Host: She actually was. So there you go. She's gonna start hosting. 

[00:41:19] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. I guess if we pull out that old recorder, I might be able to pick up some. Oh, I'd love to hear that. That's hilarious. 

[00:41:25] Pete Waggoner, Host: It's so great. It's so great. You know, I think I know the answer to this last question I'm gonna ask you.

[00:41:32] Pete Waggoner, Host: But what values from this business, if you ever have a family, do you think you would give your children if you were so blessed to have them? 

[00:41:40] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. Yeah. I hope that I get to have a family of my own someday. So I would love to pass on to them compassion for others. We never know what people are going through.

[00:41:50] Emma O'Connell: You never know if somebody just lost somebody. Compassion for others. And if they feel called that they wanna learn more about it, I would be. Absolutely. Just [00:42:00] happy to teach them all about what I do for work. And if they wanna make it the fifth generation, then that would be awesome.

[00:42:07] Emma O'Connell: Let's go. It's showtime. No pressure. No pressure. 

[00:42:11] Pete Waggoner, Host: No. Boy, you should be very proud of this one here, Emma. You're a gem. And thank you so much. Really amazing. The community's better place having you here. Thank you, both of you, your whole family. 

[00:42:21] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. Thank you. And, 

[00:42:22] Pete Waggoner, Host: and this is really good. I hope people can really hear how authentic the two of you are and how real you are and how much you guys do have compassion.

[00:42:31] Pete Waggoner, Host: Yeah. And care for those in this community. And around.

[00:42:34] Emma O'Connell: Yeah. 

[00:42:35] Pete Waggoner, Host: Thank you Pete. Yeah. Thanks for joining us. 

[00:42:37] Emma O'Connell: Thank you so much.

[00:42:38] Pete Waggoner, Host: That was good. Terrific. 

[00:42:39] Emma O'Connell: Thank you.