Are Your Past Experiences Hurting You Today?

This topic is very close to my heart, because I struggle with it daily. Trauma is the emotional response to an experience that caused great distress — one that overloaded our ability to cope. This can lead to deep mental, physical, emotional, and even family strain. We often associate trauma with extreme situations like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But the reality is, trauma can take many forms and levels.

Sadly, we often dismiss our past experiences with phrases like “It is what it is” or “You just have to play the cards you’re dealt.” But here’s the problem with that kind of thinking: it doesn’t give the individual space to feel what they feel. Instead, people may internalize the idea that their emotions don’t matter, and bury them deep inside; only perpetuating shame. But these emotions are like a volcano — brewing, bubbling, and waiting for an opening to erupt. In the meantime, feelings of inadequacy grow. The pain gets stronger. Eventually, it becomes loud — overwhelming — and starts to overtake us.

To offset this pain, we often seek ways to numb it. It might be binge-watching TV, a couple stiff drinks, gambling, food, doomscrolling, drugs, or pornography. These are all attempts to escape the discomfort we feel. And while they may work for a moment, they eventually lose their effect. So the person doubles down. Takes it further. And now, addiction takes root — all in an effort to numb the pain of buried trauma we simply don’t want to confront.

These traumas don’t have to be extreme. You don’t have to be a soldier or someone who’s faced life-or-death situations. Yes, those are horrific experiences — but trauma is defined by how it affects the person who experienced it.

So why does one event devastate someone while another person walks away seemingly fine?

A lot of it has to do with their background:

• Were they allowed to openly express emotions growing up?
• Did they have a history of other traumatic experiences — like abuse?
• Is there a genetic link to addiction in their family?



The purpose of this article is simple: to encourage you to consider your past. Are there painful or negative moments that have deeply affected you that you’ve packed away, but struggle with today? Give yourself grace to recognize those moments. Don’t pretend they disappeared. As the book title “The Body Keeps the Score” says, those moments never go away and will have negative consequences if not processed.  

Life is like a chemistry equation. We may be able to handle events A, B, C, and D on their own. But when life throws them all at us at once — we now have E — and that can become overwhelming and even crushing.

So be kind to yourself as you reflect on those moments. We are all broken to a degree. The cracks in your story aren’t flaws — they’re where the light gets in.

Warmly,
Mike O’Connell